Good news: Weiner gets job offer

I don’t mean to keep harping on him now that he’s fallen on his sword, but it’d be nice to have a happy ending to this otherwise horribly sordid story. And … we might have one. The job pays well — 20 percent better than being a congressman, in fact — and he’ll love, love, love his work.

Dude, seriously, I think he should take it.

Mr. Weiner:

After having learned of your sudden and compelled resignation from your Congressional post, I would like to make you an offer of employment at [Larry] Flynt Management Group, LLC in our Internet group. As a Congressman, you are known for your intensity and perseverance. I believe that this attitude, combined with your service in the House of Representatives’ Committee on Energy and Commerce, will make you a valuable asset to this corporation…

I cannot emphasize enough the genuineness of this offer. We are a serious corporation which, as you know, has been heavily involved in the political environment of this country for over thirty-five years. Our key missions have consistently included the crucial fight of battling hypocrisy within the federal and state governments. Flynt Management Group, LLC and Hustler Magazine have been dedicated to decades of serious political commentary. Just as we do not undertake insincere political crusades, we do not make insincere job offers.

While this employment opportunity is being offered in large part due to your qualifications and clear passion for making a change, I feel that your unfortunate resignation is a prime example of unfounded political pressure and the hypocrisy that has invaded democracy in Washington D.C. I hope you will sincerely consider this offer, and I look forward to your response.

I’d always thought of him as more of a Penthouse type of guy, but Hustler has the sort of blue-collar, populist authenticity that might catch his fancy. If not that, then he really has only two options: Beg Bill and Hillary for a job somewhere, possibly working for Clinton’s charity, or embrace his destiny and start dialing cable news executives. KP seems to think he’s CNN material, but I prefer Chris Matthews’s idea. They’ve already got Colmes; why not Weiner? Seriously, what’s the alternative?