I’m resisting believing this not because it’s not plausible but because, given the allegations of prior misconduct now pouring forth, it’s almost too plausible. Assuming those allegations are true, his entire career appears to be an exercise in sexually exploiting the concept of lèse majesté. After reading about him for the past week, if you had to sum him up in one line, what line would it be?

Bingo:

The maid is deeply religious, investigators said, and immediately put her hands over her eyes so she wouldn’t see the naked Frenchman. He ran to her, began grabbing her breasts and pulling her down the hallway inside the luxury suite toward the bedroom.

The blood-stained white bed sheets were later taken into evidence by police…

“Please stop. I need my job, I can’t lose my job, don’t do this. I will lose my job. Please, please stop! Please stop!” she told Strauss-Kahn, according to law enforcement sources.

Strauss-Kahn allegedly responded: “No, baby. Don’t worry, you’re not going to lose your job. Please, baby, don’t worry,” Strauss-Kahn responded, according to investigators. “Don’t you know who I am? Don’t you know who I am?”

That’s not the worst of it, either. Read the whole thing for details on the two concierges at whom he allegedly made passes and the possibility that he hid when the maid entered the room to clean it in order to surprise her. According to sources who spoke to the Daily Beast, the maid was so traumatized after the incident that she was nearly incoherent:

A cleaning supervisor for the floor found the maid shortly before 12:30 p.m, when she appeared traumatized as she stood near a closet outside the suite. The maid told authorities she had hid in a hallway until Strauss-Kahn left, and the supervisor emerged from a service elevator a few moments later for a routine floor check, the sources said…

The first supervisor reported the maid had nausea and was trembling. As soon as the supervisor ascertained an attack had occurred, she called one of her bosses in housecleaning, who responded to an in-house call and came to the floor, the sources said…

The security officer interrogated the maid, getting extensive details of what had happened in the suite. Throughout the questioning, the maid appeared traumatized, at one point going to a bathroom to try to vomit and several times spitting on the floor and walls of the suite, according to the sources.

The news tonight is that the maid’s shirt tested positive for Strauss-Kahn’s DNA. NBC New York says the DNA was found in “material” on the shirt, but Britain’s Daily Telegraph claims the material is exactly what you think it is. If so, then obviously there’s no “it never happened” defense available. The defense will be that it was consensual, in which case I’m super-curious to hear his lawyers’ tick-tock of how it all allegedly happened. Supposedly, this young, devoutly religious woman, whom Fox’s sources describe as “a model employee with a pristine work record who doesn’t drink or smoke and rushes home after work to take care of her children,” was simply overwhelmed with lust at the sight of this aging troll waddling towards her? And somehow blood ended up on the bed, and she was so shaken afterward that she tried to vomit — but it was all consensual in the moment? Gonna be an amazing trial.

I feel obliged to say that I’ve never been prouder of the NYPD or the Manhattan D.A. than I have this past week for pursuing this guy notwithstanding the don’t-you-know-who-I-am aspect of the case. Hopefully any American police force and prosecutor’s office would have done the same, but in NYC we don’t have to wonder. For your viewing pleasure, via the Daily Caller, here’s Bill Maher explaining how Strauss-Kahn’s ritzy lifestyle is proof that socialism is totally chill and nonthreatening or something.