I watched the clip and shrugged it off, thinking, “Yeah, granted, sixth grade is a tad young to be attuned to left-wing indoctrination. But he’s a bright kid, and it’s not like we’ve never seen a precocious conservative before.”
But then I did a Google News search, and … dude.
My name is Sam Besserman, I’m eleven years old, I live in Beverly Hills, California, and ever since I can remember I have been subjected to political bias in school. The first time I noticed the bias was actually in preschool, where the teacher was reading a book about the importance of mothers and the inferiority of fathers. I tried to tell the teacher that dads might be just as important. The teacher responded in a sing-song, “No, listen to me, I’m the teacher.” Of course, the girls loved the book and most of the boys hated it, except for a few who liked it and also wanted to become mothers some day. I was three years old and royally pissed off.
I had to listen to such feminist ideas every day, and at times, I actually bought into them. Months later, I still didn’t know whether mothers were really more important than fathers. Once I even felt like going into the bathroom and trying to pull off my penis. It wasn’t that I wanted to be a woman — I had just lost my enthusiasm for my embattled gender.
The only male teacher I had might as well have been castrated.
It goes on from there, replete with a mention of the hockey-stick graph vis-a-vis global warming. The big finish:
After all these years, you’d think I’d have given up. My country is undermining itself in its schools. It’s teaching boys that they can’t even compete with girls. It’s teaching those of us who have pride in our country that it is misplaced. It’s teaching nonsense and claiming that it’s science. But possibly, even more usefully, I think I have struck comedy gold.
Three possibilities. One: This is all deadly serious and on the level, notwithstanding that rather significant final line. Two: This is a grand goof conceived by a budding comic genius, notwithstanding his subdued appearance on Fox this morning. Three: This is a grand goof conceived by his parents or some other adult, which would explain why his essay is so cheeky but his TV performance is so straightforward. So help me, I’m honestly not sure which of the three is correct. Help me out.