I haven’t related to him this well since the last “Obama skipping church again” story.

Alternate headline: “ObamaCare explained.”

Barack Obama is still struggling to kick smoking, according to his first medical examination since becoming president.

Obama is sensitive about his cigarette habit and tetchy with reporters who raise it. But after his 90-minute medical at the Navy hospital outside Washington yesterday morning, his doctors confirmed he had not yet managed to conquer the habit and suggested he “continue smoking cessation efforts”…

The doctors also recommended “moderation of alcohol intake”.

Four hackish thoughts off the top of my head about the president imbibing. (1) It’s probably the only way he can understand Biden. (2) Now we know where that famous mellow temperament comes from. (3) If I had to deal with Reid and Pelosi every day, I’d go straight to heroin. (4) They should put the intervention on C-SPAN.

And now, my friends, you can safely skip the first few minutes of Leno’s monologue tonight. You’re welcome.

Having had some fun with The One here, and duly noting Ann Althouse’s point about the left smearing Bush with “dry drunk” theories, I’m duty bound to point out that this is much ado about nothing.

But when you read the actual report, it’s clear that this alcohol recommendation is akin to your dentist telling you to floss daily and brush your teeth twice a day.

“Recommendations: Follow-up colorectal cancer screening is recommended in 5 years for routine colon cancer screening. Continue smoking cessation efforts, a daily exercise program, healthy diet, moderation in alcohol intake, periodic dental care, and remain up-to-date with recommended immunizations. Continue modified exercise regimen, and lower extremity muscle strengthening program, for occasional left patella-femoral pain secondary to chronic tendonitis. Recommend dietary modification to reduce LDL cholesterol below 130.”

I.e. he’s already drinking in moderation. Keep up the good sober work, champ!

I know you feel scandal-deprived now so head over to Ace’s for some nose-picking video to lift your spirits. Below you’ll find Gibbs waxing philosophical about The One’s struggles with big tobacco. Click the image to watch.