The sadly obligatory "Tiger Woods self-mortification" open thread; Update: Leaden video added!

11 a.m. ET across the dial and, if you’re not near a TV, streaming live at YouTube. Not something we’d normally open a thread for, but it’s Friday, nothing else is going on, and, let’s face it, it’s not every day you get to watch one of history’s greatest athletes sob over his unquenchable horniness. Weep for the Wilt Chamberlain press conference that never was, my friends. I was thinking this morning, when was the last time a person not in an upper management position did this much PR damage to the corporation(s) he worked for? The Exxon Valdez spill, maybe?

Like Jenny Sanford, Mrs. Woods reportedly will not attend. Once it’s over, it’s back to therapy for Tiger, leaving a troubled nation to pick up the pieces and cope with the inevitable spate of tedious magazine pieces about “sex addiction” in his absence. Good work, Tige. The thread is open.

Update: Tim Pawlenty leverages the buzz!

Update: If the idea is to get the media back on his side, he’s off on the wrong foot:

Upset over ground rules that Woods and his handlers created for journalists who were being admitted to the session, the board of the Golf Writers Association of America voted to boycott the event, set for 11 a.m., ET, near PGA Tour headquarters in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla…

Woods is refusing to answer questions, however, and outside of the wire service contingent, had limited the number of other media outlets to three. After the GWAA haggled with his spokesman Thursday to increase that number by another 12, Woods’ camp agreed to double the total number to six.

However, given that the GWAA ultimately felt it was inappropriate for Woods to dictate terms regarding how reporters would be allowed do their jobs – namely, by refusing to field questions – the organization voted to skip the event entirely.

Update: The deed is done and the jokes are flowing. Comedian Jim Norton:

I. AM. TIGER. WOODS. AND. I. AM. SORRY. Jesus Christ. That press conference had the heartfelt sincerity of a hostage video.

And Joe Scarborough:

Tiger’s apology included some of the worst acting since Ishtar.

The Onion’s got a new piece up about it too, but it’s so raunchy that I’m going to give you the official content warning before linking it. You can watch the full vid at CNN but here’s the most interesting segment, in which he attributes his problems to having lost touch with Buddhism. An interesting point vis-a-vis Brit Hume.

I was going to poll you guys on whether you believe he’ll reform himself, but since the only realistic poll options are “probably not” and “nah,” we’ll skip it.