Can’t blame the kid for trying. Obama has been famously ambivalent about one of these issues, and he’s already pissed off enough seniors with ObamaCare that he might as well go ahead and alienate them all. Although these days, I don’t know why any American would want or need drugs. Just breathe deep and get high on Change, baby. (Now available in tablet form.)

As for the other half of the equation, now that we’ve learned that carbon isn’t the only thing world leaders will be emitting in Copenhagen, it does seem unfair that Americans must suffer without. Many beta-male votes have been lost to The One this day, my friends.