Good news: T-shirts with nipple tassels now available for toddlers

For the little stripper in your life. Coming soon, presumably: Thong underoos.

Actually, no — that’s already been done.

ParentDish interviewed the designer behind TwistedTwee, which is selling t-shirts for babies and preschoolers that include nipple tassels, among other items.

The designer, Suzi Warren, told ParentDish via email that “The Nipple Tassel t-shirt was designed as a response to my own distaste at seeing mini versions of sexy clothes on young children. Five-year-olds wearing slashed mini skirts and boob tubes, little thumb-sucking Britneys.” I guess that’s like wearing blackface to protest racism? Mostly Warren is doing it to make money. At least I hope that’s why. If she honestly believes that this is an effective form of protest, I’d hate to think what she’d do with an issue like health care reform.

Stripper pole — yes, really — sold separately. As outrageously outraged as I am, I’m intrigued by the designer’s satire defense. Can she really, possibly believe there are no parents so low-rent that they won’t buy this crap for their daughters to wear? Reminds me of some ancient munitions pioneer whose name escapes me at the moment defending one of his inventions on grounds that human beings surely would never use such a savage weapon on each other, ergo war would soon be obsolete. Exit question: Are we moving towards a society where “Raisins” restaurants actually exist?