On the stand, that is, in the course of defending his client. He’s obliged to scar you for life, making sure you’re psychologically “ruined” with insomnia, crippling bouts of trauma-induced vomiting, and dysfunctional relationships for your entire adulthood. The Founding Fathers would have wanted it that way, or something.

If only the Republicans would ease up on this mandatory sentencing thing, he could ease off a bit. Blame them. Exit quotation: “It’s a lot easier to call it knee-jerk when it’s not your daughter or granddaughter.” Click the image to watch.