He spent the past two months milking buzz from the rumor that not only did he go looking for Bin Laden, he actually found him, a scenario particularly tantalizing to the left not so much because it might mean Osama’s imminent capture but because it would humiliate the Real Terrorist in the White House. Confidentiality agreements, cryptic statements about having got “the holy grail,” and for what? According to Ain’t It Cool, for a “why do you hate America?” travelogue through the Middle East intercut with 10th-grade biology class footage of the miracle of birth. Read it and thrill to the author’s palpable disappointment.

Fortunately we’re now informed that not finding Osama is the whole point, so look for this very important metaphor coming soon to a theater near you.