As much as we dunk on the fascist innerweb dweebs at Facebook and whatever the heck else Meta does, losing your job in any walk of life can be distressing.

Massive layoffs at Meta Platforms Inc. began Wednesday, boosting the social-media company’s beaten-down stock.

Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg told employees that he planned to lay off more than 11,000 employees, or about 13% of the company’s workforce, according to a post shared to the company’s public newsroom Wednesday morning.

Especially when, as one commenter on my story about this news breaking the other day advised, the outside world is a very different animal:

1. There is this thing call gravity, it takes money to run a company. People and businesses who put up this money want to see an eventual return on their investment. If that doesn’t happen after a good period of time, then eventually they stop giving that money. Either you are an acceptable level of profitable at some point, or it comes crashing down like gravity. The executives are not Gods, they made mistakes and got driven by emotions and the bubble they live in.

2. Get over yourself: its the real world, no one cares that you are “special”. You are just a cog in the wheel. Mourn the job loss, dust yourself off and start looking. You are no longer the cool kid that works for Meta/Twitter/some dot-com. It’s over, deal with it and grow up. You are going to have to move most likely to get new job, and take a pay cut. Those big office perks are gone for good too.

3. You are likely a person with tattoo’s sleeves on your arms and blue hair. To a majority of people outside your bubble, that’s not a look that makes them think you can make good logical long term decisions. Interviews are first impressions, sorry but thats reality. By not conforming to society norms, you are actually wearing the uniform of the bubble society. Your work product is what makes you cool, not your look. Cover it up and take out the peircings when you interview. On your time, be wild, on mine, be smart and get stuff done. Keep the emotions in check and learn to think critcally.

4. Politics is not what you bring to the table at work. I know you want to be your “authentic self”, and thats OK. Wear a dress if you are a trans/gender fluid woman, be a “boi” if that floats your boat. But you better be able to part the seas at work if you want them to put up with that. In the real world, “freaque” isnt cool, its eccentric. Merit gets you ahead, not your belief system. Don’t sh&t where you eat, that means keep it professional at work. Its a paycheck, not a soapbox or a singles bar.

5. You can no longer afford 7 dollar cups of Starbucks.

SMOKES, that was a thing of beauty and should be a handout in every severance package, if only they had someone who understood the real world to help ex-employees with transitioning. Alas.

The bottom line at Meta is pretty expansive as far as cash outflow, and even allowing for both the number of new hires over the past two years (over 40,000) and Zuckerberg’s flirtation with his tres expensive Metaverse alternate reality world, the sheer amount continues to boggle my tiny math brain…and financial analysts’ as well.

…Meta’s management did pull down the company’s overall expense forecast somewhat, but the numbers are still staggering. Executives now forecast 2023 expenses of $94 billion to $100 billion, whereas their prior guidance was for $96 billion to $101 billion.

“The updated range reflects our plan to add fewer employees in 2023 than we previously expected as we are significantly slowing our hiring trajectory through the beginning of 2023,” executives said in the filing.

Meta had spent the past two-plus years during the pandemic hiring more than 40,000.

Meta’s hemorrhaging is the latest to whipsaw a tech sector battered by a wave of layoffs and hiring freezes in recent weeks. Companies across various swaths of tech are scrambling to cut costs under threat of a recession following hiring binges during the pandemic.

…Meta’s dilemma is especially confounding for investors because the company is shifting its focus, and resources, to the metaverse — a major bet since many analysts see mainstream metaverse adoption at least several years away, if that.

In Zuckerberg’s new world, everyone gets to share the pain and that now includes Meta employees who kept their jobs. When I heard they were “cutting back on perks,” having worked retail for a good portion of the years when not in uniform, I thought, “Well, that’s window dressing. Are they turning off half the lights in the ladies’ room? No more brand name java in the coffee mess?” I mean, how does a “perk” save anybody anything substantial enough to hit the bottom line in any meaningful way?

Obviously, I have been in the wrong occupation all these years. I mean, REALLY WRONG.

…The parent company of Facebook informed its employees it would be cutting down on various perks including free laundry, dry cleaning and valet service, as well as delaying the daily free dinner by half an hour from 6pm to 6.30pm, the New York Times first reported.

The pushed-back dinner service means fewer employees will get to eat on campus, as the company’s last shuttle bus departs the office at 6pm. As a result, employees will now have to decide between a free meal or a free ride home. It also will make it more difficult for employees to stock up on free food to bring home as leftovers.

In an email to the Protocol news site confirming the changes, a company spokesperson, Tracy Clayton, said: “Our culinary services are first and foremost an onsite perk for people while they’re working in the office … We want food to be served to meet that need while people might be working late.”

*blinkblink* The WHAT?!

Staff members were “frustrated” and, as with Twitter, I guess comments were…spirited on the company’s board, venting their considerable irritation at being so discommoded. Basically, 1) you didn’t check with us before you did this thing to us 2) how are you going to make this up to us

(Narrator: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!)

…Many complained in the comments section of the post announcing the changes, said a few employees who saw the post. Some asked if Meta planned on compensating employees in other ways and whether the company had undertaken an employee survey to see how the new changes would affect the workforce.

In response to the changes, Meta said that it would be increasing its employees’ wellness stipend from $700 to $3,000 this year. The current stipend covers costs related to physical or mental health, financial planning, and care for children, older people and pets.

Good grief, Charlie Brown! As employees melted down about the loss of “company culture,” the chief technology officer at least had the gumption to mention the “entitlement” attitude – which I’m sure will bring on its own round of triggered outrage. One bold employee bravely spoke up to say, yeah – employees had had it pretty good and were milking it for all they were worth:

…One employee from Meta’s food service team criticized those who said the comments would harm Meta’s workplace culture, according to two other employees.

“I can honestly say when our peers are cramming three to 10 to-go boxes full of steak to take them home, nobody cares about our culture,” the employee wrote. “A decision was made to try and curb some of the abuse while eliminating six million to-go boxes.”

Anywhere I ever worked, if someone bought pizza for the shop, we were all like “WOO HOO!” I can’t even conceive of stealing steak to take home, especially making what these guys do.

Annual base compensation starts at $120,000–$130,000 while total compensation packages are at a median of $150,000–$155,000.

That’s the average, so you know there’s a ton of these clowns pulling down a buttload more than that. Granted, it is California, so I’d guess it sometimes feels like they have a $45K job, but welcome to the real world, George. Cruelly forcing employees to do their own laundry, leave the excess beef on the buffet, and forcing employees to walk to park their own cars in the parking garage might very well put a good dent in cash outflow.

Now you’ve met a Meta perk. I don’t know what you think, but I’m back to using schadenfreude again.

That being said, if I ever have a shot at a gig like that, I’m going for it.

Matter of fact, I’m gonna talk to Ed…steak on the menu at HotAir tonight, baby!