Via the Free Beacon, alternate headline: “Semi-retired president now fully retired.” Makes me wonder if he isn’t secretly bummed that House Democrats didn’t finish off his presidency last night on the cromnibus vote. Had he gone down in flames there, he really could have spent the next two years watching ESPN all day.

The best part of this comment is that somewhere Hillary’s listening to it, absorbing it as a lesson on how more skilled retail politicians relate to the average joe. Already looking forward to her claiming on the trail in 2016 that she watches “EPSN” a lot too.

One of the tragedies of the Obama era is that we ended up with Mr. SportsCenter as commander-in-chief when there’s a true man of action very close indeed to the presidency. Imagine this guy staring down Putin:

“I remember coming back from Mass on Sunday,” Biden began. “Always the big treat was, we’d stop at the donut shop…We’d get donuts, and my dad would wait in the car. As I was coming out, my sister [Valerie] tugged on me and said, ‘That’s the boy who kicked me off my bicycle.’”

“So I went home—we only lived about a quarter mile away—and I got on my bicycle and rode back, and he was in the donut shop.”

Biden remembered the boy was in a physically vulnerable position: “leaning down on one of those slanted counters.”

Sensing his opportunity, Joey Biden pounced: “I walked up behind him and smashed his head next to the counter.”

“I’m not recommending it,” he added.

“His father grabbed me, and I looked at his son and said, ‘If you ever touch my sister again, I’ll come back here again and I’ll kill your son.'”

We could have had this guy, Scranton’s answer to Liam Neeson’s character in “Taken,” as leader of the free world. Instead we got the head of the Choom Gang. Decline is a choice, America.

Exit question: Remember when the media decided that Mitt Romney supposedly forcibly cutting a classmate’s hair was a searing insight into his character? How would they have handled a story about Mitt slamming a kid’s head into a wall and then threatening to kill him in front of his dad?