Move to the suburbs, they said. Get out of that hellhole city, they said.

Which was a great plan for a good long while, I guess. Until the city got so chock-full of hell, it had to sort of spill over and out past the city limits because it just can't contain all the hellions.

Plus?

Those undisturbed suburbs sure are looking ripe for the pickin' right about now.

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

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WE'RE GOING PILLAGING AND LOOTING - EVERYBODY IN THE CAR!

...as soon as we steal it, naturally.

...Wilmette police said a preliminary investigation into the burglaries indicates that the alleged suspects worked out of a single vehicle during the break-ins and the vehicle was reportedly stolen early Thursday morning from southwest suburban Oak Forest.

“These crimes follow a similar pattern that other regional communities have experienced, in which a group of offenders carry out a high volume of burglaries to businesses in a very short period,” Wilmette’s Police Department wrote in a statement.

“Offenders break through windows or glass doors of businesses and spend a limited amount of time in each business searching for cash or other valuables.”

According to the news release, multiple Wilmette police officers responded to burglary reports at both 3:47 a.m. and 4:09 a.m. Thursday.

Two officers that had responded from the Skokie Boulevard scene located a suspicious vehicle within blocks of Village Center. Police attempted a traffic stop on the car, but the driver refused to stop and merged onto the I-94 expressway from Lake Avenue, per police.

A Chicago police helicopter was used to eventually locate the vehicle and witnessed several of the offenders fleeing on foot, the news release said. Wilmette police have recovered the stolen vehicle and technicians are processing it for evidence.

So this was basically a clown car disgorging raiders in every direction who broke through the glass on either the front doors or windows, went directly to the counters for cash registers or merchandise, and then cleared out just as quickly.

Watch them strip this little coffee shop (!) in what seems like two seconds flat.

Mind you, at the same time, their thieving compatriots in crime are working businesses along the same street.

Sixteen businesses in Wilmette and nine in Evanston.

In Wilmette, the entire operation only took about 25 minutes, with simultaneous robberies happening in Evanston.

...Police said 16 Wilmette businesses were burglarized or suffered attempted burglaries between 3:45 a.m. and 4:09 a.m. Thursday morning, with offenders targeting cash at each establishment.

According to the news release, nine of the impacted businesses were on the west side of Wilmette in the 100 block of Skokie Boulevard and seven were in Wilmette’s Village Center in the 1100 blocks of Wilmette and Central avenues, roughly 2½ miles from each other.

Nine additional burglaries occurred on Evanston’s Central Street during the same period, according to a statement from Evanston police Cmdr. Chelsea Brown.

Evanston police responded to reports of burglar alarms and broken storefront windows in the 1600 block through the 1900 block of Central Street at about 4 a.m. Thursday. Storefronts were damaged and several items inside were reported stolen, Brown said.

Car pulls up, belches out teams, in and out in under 90 seconds, back in the car, and they take off.

...“Our security cameras captured a group of six people emerge from a car on the corner of Wilmette and Central Avenues in downtown Wilmette. One group of two appeared to break in to the Cocomero Frozen Yogurt shop across the street, while three people smashed our front window and climbed in,” Clarke wrote in a statement.

“While inside for just over 90 seconds, the group ripped out two cash registers from behind the bar and two tablets from the front of the house,” Clarke said.

Even if Chicago cops manage to get a bead on them as they head back into town, they'll call off a chase. Standard safety protocol, and you know these gangs know it.

Over two dozen businesses in one night in what sure seems like a finely tuned operation.

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHERE TO GO

...The owner of Pit & Tap, Michael Clarke, says there were seven burglars in one vehicle, and they fanned out in team to commit all the break-ins.

"I'd like to think that this was just a spur of the moment situation, but these guys honestly knew what they were looking for," Clarke said. "They had to have looked in these businesses to see if there were cash drawers in the area. They didn't search around. they knew exactly where to go to."

Wilmette police say they attempted to stop the thieves after they left Village Center, but they fled south on the expressway, and a Chicago police helicopter later located their stolen vehicle and saw the offenders running away.

They did surprise some Evanston owners in one business breaking in - bakers there early, of course. Thank God no one was hurt.

...Schaffer told Evanston Now in a phone call Thursday that Hewn’s bakers were inside when the burglars first broke in. Hewn posted on social media that it was “thankful no one was hurt” and thanked the community and police for the quick response.

Chalk that up as the Christmas miracle. 

The gang members then ran away scot-free into the night after ditching the stolen ride.

What a mess for these poor owners right before the holidays.

The little, narrow hot dog spot in the video below was broken into, and the thieves scored less than $100. 

I can't imagine what that glass is going to set these owners back, as most of these were small, local retailers.

Like, being in business for yourself wasn't hard enough.

We're workin' on it.

...Wilmette police said they have been in contact with all impacted businesses and are reviewing available surveillance footage to collaborate with the Evanston Police Department on a follow-up investigation, among other regional law enforcement agencies.

Being Illinois, and what's known as the notoriously uber-liberal North Shore (I read somewhere Evanston has actually paid reparations),  none of these business owners will be carrying from this point forward, either, so the group could come through again, no harm, no foul, in a couple months when they replace the glass.

Some lessons are hard. And some people never learn.