I guess that the final element which convinced me of the errors of my past ways and set me on the path to truth, is that Newt has already essentially given the Romney campaign a probably terminal cancer by legitimizing the attacks on his wealth. It is clear that the base is not energized by Romney (and we all know how important that is since so few conservatives are excited to vote against Obama and that an enthusiastic vote counts so much more than a tepid one) and that the conservative media will not rally around him because they really have no financial incentive to see Obama defeated.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense to abandon the Romney idea and reward the guy who mortally wounded him by giving them the nomination. I am sure Newt did this not because of some sort of selfish personal vendetta or agenda, but rather because, in his infinite wisdom, he realized it was the only way to convince the less enlightened among us to embrace the glory that is him and his candidacy. Thank you Newt!…

This website has been offering the first prominent conservative who wanted it, a $10,000 bet (at two to one odds!) that Newt would lose to Obama. To date, no one has taken me up on it. At first, I naively thought this was because everyone realized as I did that Newt had no chance to beat Obama. But now I understand that Newt supporters were simply being merciful to me for my ignorance and didn’t want to engage in any “vulture capitalism” by taking advantage of my obvious stupidity.

However, being a man of my word, the $10,000 bet stands. Since I have read so many conservative commentators who are clearly so much more insightful than me say that a short, old, fat, angry, white, male named Newt is just the guy we need to beat Obama, I figured I should reward at least one of them by allowing them this obvious gift. I honestly won’t mind because being assured of making Obama a one-termer will be easily worth the money.