Just how original are those local news features that sound chatty and clever? Conan O’Brien has a running series on his show demonstrating the strangely familiar items represented as original reporting, but this one featured at TV Spy seems especially creepy. “I find it frightening,” O’Brien says, but it’s mostly just sad:

I mean, how difficult is it to write an original “people buy things for themselves at Christmas” piece? Better yet, who actually wrote this one? I suspect it was a bitter 1960s burnout stuck on the overnight desk in Fresno, and it has been circling the planet ever since.