Reason TV’s Ted Balaker hosts the Fifth Annual Nanny of the Year Awards, which takes less time to conduct than most Oscar acceptance speeches. This year’s competition was especially hot, and I’m not just referring to Halle Berry as a nominee — which she is. Before we get to the winner, though, Mayor Mike Bloomberg gets a lifetime achievement award … we hope:
Why stop at banning smoking in public places? Let’s criminalize the dirty deed and throw smokers behind bars, says Oregon State Rep. Mitch Greenlick. (Greenlick also champions prison reform, declaring that we need a “more rational way to decide who gets imprisoned.”)
Why stop at cracking down on traditional fast food joints like McDonald’s? Let’s kick it up a notch and outlaw “fast casual” restaurants like Chipotle, says Eastchester, New York Supervisor Anthony Colavita. (Eastchester is “a very upscale community,” Colavita explains. “You can go get your sandwich in Larchmont. We aren’t going to cheapen the town with fast food or these formula fast-quick casual places.”)
While we’re at it, let’s make photography a crime! After all, celebrities deserve to be protected from the annoying aspects of their life choices, like dealing with the paparazzi, and anyhow we’d really be doing it (all together now!) for the children (well, for the children of celebrities and politicians, at least), says our first bonafide A-list nominee–actor, humanitarian, and lobbyist Halle Berry.
All our nominees recognize that they stand on the shoulders of giants, giants like the recently termed out New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, whom we salute for with a (sort of) lifetime achievement award.
Balaker and the voters have chosen … wisely. Sorry, Halle.
