Naah. Chicago still IS a crime-ridden hellhole, but it turns out that a decent chunk of reported crimes were actually staged due to a relatively obscure immigration law that gives victims of crime leave to remain in the United States. 

As we all know, when you subsidize something, you get more of it, and we are subsidizing armed robbery in Chicago. 

You can't sweep away the fact that a lot of people get shot in Chicago, but apparently crimes that don't involve putting real holes in people and things are pretty easy to stage, and the incentive to do so is also pretty high. 

At issue is the so-called "U Visa"

  • The U visa was created for alien victims of “rape, torture, trafficking, incest, domestic violence, sexual assault, abusive sexual contact, prostitution, sexual exploitation, stalking, female genital mutilation, being held hostage, peonage, involuntary servitude, slave trade, kidnapping, abduction, unlawful criminal restraint, false imprisonment, blackmail, extortion, manslaughter, murder, felonious assault, witness tampering, obstruction of justice, perjury, fraud in foreign labor contracting, or attempt, conspiracy, or solicitation to commit any of the above mentioned crimes.” 
    • Additionally, the alien must have suffered substantial mental or physical abuse and assist law enforcement in investigating and prosecuting the criminals involved.
  • Because eligibility is dependent on cooperation with law enforcement, aliens must provide certification from a qualified law enforcement official to qualify.
    • There is an annual numerical cap of 10,000 for U visas, not including their spouses and minor children.
  • U visas are authorized to remain in the United States for a period of four years and may be authorized for employment at the discretion of USCIS.
    • Aliens with U visas who have been continuously present in the United States for three years are eligible to apply to adjust their status to lawful permanent residence (LPR), along with their spouses and minor children.
    • The spouses and children of U visa-holders are also eligible for employment authorization.

It turns out that, if you want to stay in the United States, becoming the "victim" of a crime is a great way to become a legal resident and get authorization to work, along with your family members. 

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Of course, nobody wants to actually go through the unpleasantness and risk involved in being a real victim of a crime (which raises the question of why they chose Chicago, but that is a different story), but if you can stage a crime and report it to the police, you get all the benefits with none of the actual risk. 

A suburban Chicago man who organized hundreds of fake armed robberies to help people fraudulently obtain U.S. immigration visas has been sentenced to two years in federal prison. But one of the staged holdups took a horrible turn at a Bucktown liquor store when a purported robber accidentally shot a store clerk in the abdomen, critically injuring him, according to police reports.

Parth Nayi, 29, of Woodridge, organized and participated in the robberies from 2022 through 2024 at coffee shops, restaurants, liquor stores, and gas stations across the country, including in Chicago and its suburbs, federal prosecutors said.

Nayi recruited people to pose as robbery victims, paid store owners to use their businesses, coordinated and paid the people acting as robbers, and coached the purported victims through the scheme. Participants paid him between $5,000 and $30,000 each for the privilege of being “robbed,” hoping to obtain U-visas, which are available to eligible victims of certain crimes who assist law enforcement. Upon making payment, the “victims” were told to be at a certain business at a certain date and time, officials said. The “robbery crew” arrived shortly thereafter.

The purported victims then sought certification from local law enforcement agencies confirming that they had been victims of qualifying crimes and had helped with investigations. After obtaining the certifications, the purported victims submitted fraudulent U-visa applications to U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, prosecutors said.

Well, maybe not none of the risk. It turns out that the "fake" robbers were getting paid twice: once by the illegal aliens, and again by the proceeds taken from the people they actually were robbing. 

If you are getting paid between $5,000 and $30,000 to stage a robbery, why risk loading your gun? 

You can see how the program started with the best of intentions. We all want to stop crime, and if letting someone legally stay in the country for the course of the process (and apparently quite a bit more) puts criminals in jail, it seems worth it. It's the kind of policy proposal that can get bipartisan support, and it takes a devious mind to see how the program would backfire. 

Well, folks, it turns out that criminals have devious minds and have learned how to game the system. 

Who could have predicted that? Well, cynics like me could have, but not enough people listen to me. 

Of course, liberals will say that immigrants are the fabric of America and super law-abiding, which begs the question: does acting like Jussie Smollett seem to you to be the kind of behavior we want as the "fabric of America"?

Apparently so. 

Me? I want all these scammers booted out of the country. There are enough real crimes to keep the cops busy, and wasting time on fake ones makes everybody less safe.