Mystery solved: Why Bush didn't sign Kyoto

Gonzo must have planned his resignation ahead of this damning Discovery revelation: President Bush is plotting a global shrub genocide against grasses.

Rising carbon dioxide levels are almost certainly fueling the encroachment of shrubs on global grasslands, a trend that could eventually jeopardize the use of these lands for cattle grazing, according to a new study.

Shrubs have been steadily encroaching on traditional rangelands from the Great Plains in the United States to Mongolia and Kazakhstan for at least two centuries, and in the past 10 to 15 years, ecologists have linked the trend to increasing levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

The study provides the first piece of evidence to support that theory and suggests that these kinds of environmental conditions favor shrubs over native grasses, presumably because the plants are better able to use CO2 for photosynthesis.

Bush is intentionally letting CO2 levels rise to give the shrubs the upper hand. That’s why he didn’t sign the Kyoto Protocol. When he’s not as dumb as a stump, he has the devious mind of a super-villain.

With carbon dioxide levels projected to increase sharply by the end of the century, the findings have serious implications for the management of these open rangelands which cover about 40 percent of the Earth’s surface and are typically used to support livestock, the authors of the paper said.

“As the shrubs displace the grasses, the forage quality of the land decreases and the land becomes less valuable as a place where livestock can graze,” said Jack Morgan, a research scientist at the US Department of Agriculture’s facility in Fort Collins, Colorado.

The Shrubfuehrer’s long range goal is obvious: Use the bushes to kill off the grasses, which will in turn drive out the ranchers, and then Bush and his oilman cronies can sweep in and buy up the land for cheap and start drilling. Or to build concentration camps for liberals on no-bid Halliburton contracts once he declares himself emperor in January 2009. Whatever.

I’m sure we’ll get the entire Artemisia frigida fascist plot exposed in Loose Change 3: Shorter, Dumber and Now Ignoring The Twin Towers Altogether.