Here’s a refreshing change for you. Every election cycle we hear any number of celebrities and other notable figures swearing that they will move out of the country if their preferred candidate isn’t elected. 2016 was no exception, but as usual, the list of Hollywood elite who promised to flee from the shadow of Trump turned out to be a big nothingburger. Or did it? One year into Trump’s tenure, we may have one journalist getting ready to make the jump.
Boston Globe columnist Alex Beam is allegedly in final negotiations with his wife to leave for a nation which the President is supposedly fond of. His wife is a citizen of Norway and they now have a program in place to welcome Americans who are hoping to escape Donald Trump and move to the edge of the Arctic Circle.
UNLIKE YOU, I have options.
A number of years ago I married an intelligent, blonde woman who spoke many languages, including one that sounded like the soundtrack from “Thor: Ragnarok.” It was gobbledygook to me, but she turned out to be Norwegian — imagine my luck!
That’s right. Not only do we have the right to resettle in Donald Trump’s favorite white-bread country — Norway makes New Hampshire look like the Model UN — but Norway is also anxious to have us. We have been perusing a website called “New Beginnings in Ringerike,” which bills itself as a “recovery” program for Norwegian-Americans traumatized by the presidential election:
“In light of the results of the US presidential election, the Ringerike Recovery Program has been developed by the regional development company of Ringerike, Norway. We are offering acute aid to descendants of emigrated Norwegians, and other Americans, considering a new start abroad.”
We still don’t have a solid commitment from Beam that he’ll be leaving. He ends the column with a claim that his better half is up for the move and it’s at the “coin toss” phase. But he’s still done us a favor by highlighting this amazing program being offered by the Norwegians. Let’s take a look.
In light of the results of the U.S presidential election, the Ringerike Recovery Program has been developed by the regional development company of Ringerike, Norway. We are offering acute aid to descendants of emigrated Norwegians, and other Americans, considering a new start abroad.
And what is this socialist nation offering any downtrodden Americans who relocate over there? Lots of free stuff, of course! The three mayors in the Ringerike region all have special services to offer. Mayor Lars has organized a group of knitters to make free headbands for you upon your arrival. The other two mayors have job location and real estate services which are available at no cost. Another wants to give you a tour of their health care services which are also, of course, free of charge!
Even better yet, you may wind up with some famous neighbors. In their FAQ section they answer the question, “Is everyone welcome?” Not only are they ready to find a spot for you, they claim to have already sent out invitations to many of those celebrities I mentioned above who promised to leave if Trump was elected but opted to stay in America.
IS EVERYONE WELCOME?
Absolutely! We have extended invitations to Miley Cyrus, Bryan Cranston, Cher, Samuel L. Jackson and Jon Stewart to name a few. Who knows — maybe you’ll be neighbors in Ringerike?
Wow. You could go out golfing or sailing with Jon Stewart and Cher as your guests! Well… you could if it ever warmed up enough for the ice sheets to melt anyway. And everything is free!
Best of luck to anyone who wants to consider this plan. If you’re that unhappy right now you’re probably a socialist anyway so you should fit right in. And you won’t have to worry about Obamacare anymore, or at least not until Norway runs out of state-controlled oil money.