Pros: All the trimmings of the iPhone plus faster Internet access and a QWERTY keyboard. No built-in memory but you’ll be able to add an 8GB card for music and video. $400, same as Apple after the recent price cut.

Cons: Lacks the iPhone’s magical healing powers and time-travel functionality, as well as the brand mystique that makes me feel like one of the apes from “2001” laying hands on the monolith.

Verdict: The perfect all-purpose cell phone for chump suckas.