There. Is. No. Escape.

The basics:

O.J. Simpson was arrested Sunday on charges related to the armed robbery of Simpson sports memorabilia from a Las Vegas hotel room, Las Vegas police said Sunday.

Lead investigator Lt. Clint Nichols said Sunday that Simpson, 60, had played a “substantial role” in the incident and that in earlier interviews with the police, Simpson had provided information that “changed the course of the investigation.”…

The man, identified by Las Vegas police as Walter Alexander, 46, of Mesa, Ariz., was arrested Saturday night and charged with two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery and burglary with a deadly weapon.

Lt. Nichols said Sunday that the two guns seized were not registered to Simpson or Alexander and were not in either man’s posession when they were seized. The owner of the guns has not been identified. Nichols said police were “moving in the direction” of arresting the owner of the guns, who was currently out of town.

I can’t find a clear statement of what the Juice is charged with but based on TMZ’s breakdown of the $78,000 bail, it looks like it’s the same as what Alexander got. Alexander’s lawyer is already apparently offering to roll him over on O.J. We should know within the week.

Go look at TMZ. Keep scrolling until you reach the bottom. That’s only seven hours’ worth of coverage.

If it’s already this stupid, imagine what it’ll be like a month from now.

Update: Contrary to TMZ’s report, the Juice will not be set loose. No bail, says the judge, obviously hoping to avoid another white Bronco clusterfark. And yes, the charges are the same as they were for Alexander.

Update: The obligatory mug shot.