Actually, he snorted his mother. No no, kidding. He hasn’t snorted anything, aside from every granular substance on earth except his parents’ ashes.

That feels like a thin reed upon which to build an entire post, so just for kicks, here’s that uber-creepy video that’s been going around of Cheney skulking in the bushes at yesterday’s Bush presser. What the hell is he doing back there? Do like the “undocumented,” Dick — come out of the shadows!

Cool fact about Dick Cheney: He snorted Keith Richards’s parents while they were alive.