I’m a man with a broken heart. I need comfort food. And the blog equivalent of comfort food is hardcore tabloid news stories.

You want the gay scandinavian penguins? You got the gay scandinavian penguins.

You want the most extreme, orgiastic, cannibalistic religion in the world? You got it, courtesy of ace war reporter Michael Yon.

You want some French guy boasting to Times readers how he was conceived in a threesome, and how his mother hit double digits in abortions? Say no more, my friends.

Or do you want the Juice pinching a loaf on his wife’s grave by publishing a hypothetical confession to her murder for $3.5 mil?

In the book, “he describes how he grabbed a knife from a man who accompanied him to Nicole’s home — and moments later found himself covered in blood and looking down on the bodies of Nicole and Ron,” said the source…

“O.J. prefaces these key pages by almost half-heartedly claiming this part of the book is hypothetical,” said the source. “But I don’t think anyone is going to be convinced of that.”

Because of “double jeopardy” laws, legal experts say O.J.’s confession will not likely lead to any legal trouble for him.

The book’s working title is “If I Did It.”

He’s winking at us, in other words. About double murder.

He should inscribe the copies like this:

I didn’t do it! Best, Juice

I sure hope Fred Goldman doesn’t show up at one of the book signings with a 12-gauge shotgun.

Well, actually, I do hope that. Hypothetically.

Tags: religion