Sorry for posting this a few minutes late. I had to change my pants after my bowels released.

Amid the usual clatter about sh*tholes and porn stars, this ho-hum tweet floated through my timeline at 1:09 ET.

Was she being pranked? Or pranking everyone else?

Nope. It was happening:

According to one person, sirens started going off in Hawaii. Just like that, on a lazy Saturday afternoon — nuclear war with North Korea. Civilization as we know it was about to change. Millions, mostly North Koreans, would be dead by the end of the day.

Greg Gutfeld’s wife is in Hawaii today and told him there was indeed mass hysteria at her hotel:

Ten long minutes later came the word: False alarm.

Here’s what it looked like on Hawaiian television. Having just watched it, I’m now on my third pair of underwear of the day.

How did Hawaiians finally discover that it was a false alarm? Some who weren’t watching social media … didn’t:

The follow-up alert declaring a false alarm reportedly took 40 minutes to deliver.

Hawaii Sen. Brian Schatz is blaming “human error” but a security outfit claims to have spoken to someone at NORAD and been told that the alert was, and I quote, “Possibly a hack or a very sick joke.” Possibly a hack? The emergency warning system isn’t hack-proof? If this was a hack, it was basically a “Swatting” except with potential nuclear repercussions.

I’ve been using Twitter for news daily since 2009 and can tell you with total confidence that this is the most frightening thing to happen on social media in that time. I wonder how many Hawaiians will need medical treatment because of it. Whoever screwed up should go to prison.

Update: The panic will have been felt most acutely in Hawaii, of course, but the ripple effect is national.

Hawaii’s EMA claims it was a test gone bad:

Two conspiracy theories to look out for today and going forward. One: It was a hack and the feds are playing it off as a botched drill to try to keep the public calm while they try to catch the culprits. Two: There really was a missile and we shot it down. And now, to avert war, the feds are going to play it off as a false alarm. The “real missile” theory is highly unlikely as other countries would have detected it too and news of the launch would have trickled out somehow. But this is what’s going to circulate online.

Update: C’mon.