We follow these things so you don’t have to.

There are two — all right, three — stories that could use mid-week updates. Not because they’re important. But precisely because they’re not important and are blessedly free of Russkies or anyone named Jared.

First, the sex: The N.Y. Post brings us the news that Anthony Weiner, the serial sexter who was married to top Hillary aide Huma Abedin, still is. Married, that is.

You may recall he got in trouble as a congressman for uncensored electronic messages and photos to women not his wife. She stood by him. But he did it again. He went into rehab. They were estranged. Then, they weren’t. Then, he pled guilty to sexting with an underage girl. And on the same  day, she filed for divorce.

Well, now the Post reports, Huma has invited Anthony back home to their outrageously expensive Union Square apartment in Manhattan because she wants him to continue his important role as a father to their five-year-old.

Weiner has been staying at his mother’s place in Brooklyn. But rental agents tell the newspaper the couple just signed a new one-year lease on their $11,500-a-month pad and Huma has not served him yet with the divorce papers.

Where Weiner lives is legally important because, as part of his plea deal, he’ll have to register as a sex offender.

Of course, come his September sentencing, Weiner’s address could become a state pen for two years or more.

Now, the violence: Everyone no doubt remembers Ben Jacobs. No? OK, he’s the impertinent newspaper reporter who gained momentary media martyrdom last week for allegedly being thumped to the floor by then Republican House candidate, now elected House member Greg Gianforte of Montana. “You broke my glasses!” Jacobs yelled on an audiotape of the incident.

The millionaire was cited for misdemeanor assault and apologized — after winning.

Well, here’s the unimportant news: Jacobs got a new pair of glasses Tuesday. According to his employer, the Guardian, which gave the event a full three-photo spread, Jacobs was fitted for the eye-wear and chose a pair of Banana Republic black frames much like the nerdy broken ones.

Because of their historic importance, Jacobs has agreed to a request and will donate his broken glasses to the Washington media museum, the Newseum.

Here’s your bonus citation news: You probably heard about Tiger Woods’ run-in with the law near his home in Jupiter, Florida over the holiday weekend. Our Jazz Shaw reluctantly but insightfully opined here about the pro golfer’s situation and citation for driving under the influence.

It turns out though, Woods wasn’t driving under the influence. He was parked and sound asleep when police confronted him. He had no alcohol in his blood. He blames an unexpected reaction to prescription drugs.

So, if sleeping under the influence has become a crime, there are an awful lot of Americans now at legal risk every day — and night.