I wish this was a fake news satirical story, but sadly, it’s true. Liberal activists are outraged that the seasonal song Baby it’s Cold Outside should be banned because, wait for it, it promotes sexual harrassment and non-consensual sex.

It’s a movement that started a few years ago and has been taken up with more fervor and passion every Christmas season. But this season, the movement has gained steam because, according to HuffPo, a pair of songwriters have offered up alternate lyrics to make the song more politically correct, socially acceptable, and completely awful:

The duo, singer-songwriters Lydia Liza and Josiah Lemanski, told CNN that they felt that the original song was “aggressive and inappropriate,” arguing that the listener never finds out what happens to the woman in the song.

“You never figure out if she gets to go home. You never figure out if there was something in her drink. It just leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth,” said Liza.

The couple’s revised lyrics are adorably consensual, opening with “I really can’t stay” sung by Liza and “Baby, I’m fine with that” sung by Lemanski.

Most notably, when Liza sings, “I ought to say no, no, no,” Lemanksi responds with “You reserve the right to say no.”

The rest of the lyrics include a reference to Pomegranate La Croix (we’re unclear as to whether or not this flavor exists, but we’d totally drink it if it were real), as well as plans for a date at The Cheesecake Factory.

Here’s the audio for your listening displeasure:

https://soundcloud.com/lydia-hoglund/its-cold-outside

Of course, these feminists aren’t the first reactionaries to raise a concern about the racy song. One Sayyid Qutb, Islamist and father of the Muslim Brotherhood which eventually brought us Al Qaeda was scandalized by the song when he lived in the US back in the 1950s as part of a student exchange program. In his book The America I Have Seen, the Egyptian wrote:

The dance hall convulsed to the tunes on the gramophone and was full of bounding feet and seductive legs … Arms circled waists, lips met lips, chests met chests, and the atmosphere was full of passion….And the Father chose. He chose a famous American song called ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside,’ which is composed of a dialog between a boy and a girl returning from an evening date.

So the American left, with their penchant for totalitarian control over our behaviors and thoughts, have come full circle and alligned with Islamist totalitarians who wish to do the same. Symetrical, right?

Meanwhile, let’s cleanse ourselves from having to ponder the PC version of this wonderful, Frank Loesser song by observing how it was utilized in the 1949 film Neptune’s Daughter where Ricardo Montelban seduces Esther Williams. Keep watching though. Because this date rape anthem is also used by Betty Garret to seduce Red Skelton. Outrageous… absolutely outrageous. No means no, Betty!

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