A friend joked yesterday after news broke about the hacking that the file is probably just a long, long, long string of off-color quotes about women that Trump has farted out over the years. Sure enough, one of the passages from the alleged file obtained by Gawker (the DNC hasn’t confirmed yet that it’s real) highlights Trump supposedly once musing that at least half the public will side with a jilted wife when her husband leaves her for “a piece of ass — a good one.” So there’s one reason to be happy that Trump is supplying Democrats with rich new veins of attack material over the last few weeks: If he wasn’t, it’d be dreary “war on women” ads from the DNC featuring frowny-faced actresses reciting Trump lines from now until doomsday.

Here’s what the big bucks buy you politically in terms of insight into a presidential opponent. This is like dispatching your team to go find secrets about Ted Cruz and having them report back that he’s nerdy and hard to relate to.

One thing is clear about Donald Trump, there is only one person he has ever looked out for and that’s himself. Whether it’s American workers, the Republican Party, or his wives, Trump’s only fidelity has been to himself and with that he has shown that he has no problem lying to the American people. Trump will say anything and do anything to get what he wants without regard for those he harms.

Other scoops include the fact that Trump’s campaign is divisive and that he’s had some bad runs in business. “It appears that virtually all of the claims are derived from published sources, as opposed to independent investigations or mere rumor,” notes Gawker. “It’s also very light on anything that could be considered ‘dirt,’ although Trump’s colorful marital history is covered extensively.” Show of hands: Who thinks the Clintons are going to start a war with Trump over whose marital history is more colorful?

Team Trump issued a statement accusing the DNC of hacking itself because why not:

Clearly, with Trump taking daily beatings in the media lately over the Trump U judge, his Orlando reaction, and his polling, the DNC would be eager to draw reporters’ attention away from all of that with a 200-page compendium of stuff everyone’s already heard before. Frankly, given how pedestrian the material seems to be, they should have leaked it. If there’s nothing surprising in it that they’re holding back in order to ambush Trump with it later, they might as well put the whole file online and let reporters sift through it, highlighting the stuff that scandalizes them most. The RNC could and should do the same to Hillary. Can’t hurt to make a well organized collection of her greatest hits, from Benghazi to the e-mail scandal to the sexual assault allegations against Bill to everything else in the Clintons’ overflowing closet full of skeletons, available in one place for easy access. Normally that’s something that’d be left to the candidate’s campaign to do, but c’mon. We all know Trump’s not well organized enough to put together a 200-page oppo book on Hillary. Stuff like that is for Type A nerds like Cruz.

Speaking of which, in other presidential news today, Cruz reportedly had dinner with several top conservatives recently to plot his comeback as a national candidate in 2020 and to further establish himself as a leader of the conservative movement. Exit question: What conservative movement?