The bad news: He published it in a British paper. Close enough?

I think this is the first time I’ve seen a politician use the words “I’m unemployed” in an op-ed.

I’m unemployed, and, if elected, I can teach the Harvard rich kids in the White House and the senate a thing or two. I will vote for any law and propose any measure to keep jobs in my state of South Carolina. I will vote for huge tariffs, and, if necessary, vote to ban imports of foreign goods. Millionaire egghead politicians in the pocket of big business talk about “free trade” – and let all of your jobs get shipped overseas.

No more free trade. Your job is not going to Indonesia.

I will stop house foreclosures. Big banks got their bailout. Their debt was forgiven – and you paid for it. Their executives got million-dollar bonuses.

Did they forgive your debt? Did you get a bonus?…

I will stop debt collectors from calling you. I will make it illegal for a company to sell a debt you have for purposes of collection. You and your family have dignity: you are not cattle to be sold back and forth in the debt marketplace. You know how horrible it is to have those vampires calling you, again and again and again.

He also promises to eliminate wasteful military spending and apply the savings towards making college educations and health care “free,” which … makes him a completely mainstream Democrat, actually. Assuming he doesn’t end up in prison on that obscenity rap, he’ll have some free time after the election and will surely be looking to capitalize on his newfound fame with a TV gig. So I’m thinking: Since there’s already a politically themed reality show in the works starring one of the most obnoxious tools on the American media landscape, why not cast “America’s candidate” as his Democratic opponent? An Alvin Greene/Levi Johnston debate would be one of the greatest things on television ever, and since Greene is likable to precisely the same extent that Levi’s unlikable, there’d be a stark good guy/bad guy dramatic contrast for viewers to enjoy. The only problem: Doesn’t that mean Johnston would be running … as a Republican? Gulp.