If you missed it, consider yourself lucky twice over: Not only was the result disappointing but the game was a snooze even by normal soccer standards. Imagine 30 minutes of extra time comprised of (a) Ghana players flopping to the turf with fake injuries to run down the clock after scoring early and (b) an exhausted Team USA desperately trying to put the ball on net but clearly too fatigued to do anything creative with it. The only thing that would have made it worse would have been losing on penalty kicks, soccer’s equivalent of the home-run derby, which, inexplicably, they use to decide world championships. (The last Cup final was decided on PKs, don’t forget). At least our death was clean, my friends. Take comfort in that.
Now the media can put its evergreen “Is soccer finally about to break out in America?” stories back in mothballs for four years, when doubtless we’ll make another thrilling run to the round of 16 and drop a heartbreaker to Luxembourg or something. Exit question: Given that this is the second Cup in a row where we’ve lost to this team, is it time for a national debate on our “soccer gap” with Ghana? Click the image to watch.