That’s just Glasgow. They’ll set about ye.

“The guy in the passenger seat was wearing a white T-shirt. He got out carrying what looked like a petrol bomb and seconds later the Jeep was in flames.

“Then he kicked and punched a man to the ground before punching a policeman square in the face. That’s when I saw red. That sort of thing just isn’t on.

“I told my passenger to run for her life, then I went for the man in the T-shirt and managed to skelp him in the face. I followed it up by booting him twice…

“I’ve heard people say since that he was shouting ‘Allah!’ but I didn’t hear that. It just sounded like a lot of c**p to me.

“I ran for the guy and punched him twice in the face with pretty good right hooks.

“Then I kicked him with full force right in the balls but he didn’t go down. He just kept on babbling his rubbish.

“I couldn’t believe that he was still standing. I know I would have been floored by that kind of kick.”

As a great man once said, “You’re nae hitting the Polis mate, there’s nae chance.”

Update: Now we really know they’re amateurs. What, no video will?

Update: The great man spoke to the media today for the first time since the attack, but from the boilerplate sound of it he’s already got himself an agent. I choose to remember as he was: “I want to thank him for saving my life. He’s a hero.”