Yeah, I know, the asterisks are lame given that I’m quoting him but it’s not worth a round of patented trumped-up blogospheric Fake Outrage&#153. Do your best to guess the mystery vowel.

Now then, the art of the non-slur. Rapper David Banner criticized Reverend Al’s campaign to clean up hip hop lyrics earlier this week with unintentional irony:

The next time you see Al Sharpton, tell him I said @#*$ him and he can suck my @#*$, ” an animated David Banner told SOHH.com. “I might change the name of my album from The Greatest Story Never Told to @#*$ Al Sharpton. I hate Al Sharpton. This is the kind of @#!* that I’m talking about. They’re killing kids in New Jersey and all across the country and all a @#*$% got to talk about is rap lyrics? @#*$ that about they’re our elders and we gotta respect them. I’m tired of this. They’re like the parents, but the parents are crucifying the kids.

Today came the equally ironic touche:

Kirsten John-Foy, a leader with Sharpton’s National Action Network and the head of his Criminal Justice Initiative, responded with his own scathing remarks.

“From time to time we do encounter people that have sexual fantasies about Reverend Al Sharpton, but they are always women and Crump’s proposition is a first,” he told SOHH in a statement.

“However, in keeping with the National Action Network’s Decency Initiative, I am sure Rev. Sharpton would not call Crump the “N” “B” or “H” word,” Foy continued. “And, despite Crump’s personal request, I am sure Reverend Sharpton would not call him an @#!*%&. He would just pray for him. We at NAN are pro civil rights for everyone, even Levell Crump who has not had a banner year since his debut album in 2003.”

I like how he designates the other three by their first letter but lets ‘er rip on the F-bomb. Nuance.

TMZ confirmed that the statement was issued from Sharpton’s office. It’s the logical next step in Coulter’s slam on Edwards: some of her more shameless and/or dimwitted defenders claimed afterwards that she didn’t call him any names, technically, but simply said she’d have to go to rehab if she did. Uh huh. Now this from Sharpton, which would theoretically justify unleashing every epithet in the book so long as it’s prefaced by “I’m not going to call you…”

When Imus gets back on the air, his first move should be to invite him on to formally apologize. Heh.