Is McCain still Sullivan’s candidate of choice, or has his stalwart support for Iraq and St. Andrew’s own migration to Kos’s left forced him fully into the Ron Paul camp yet? Last time I checked, he was wavering between the two.

If he was still wavering, he won’t be anymore.

In the final days of his imploding candidacy, John McCain has taken a page out of Richard Nixon’s play book, finding increasingly bizarre explanations for his political failures. Strangest of all: He reportedly feels his handlers forced him to wear “gay sweaters.”

According to one insider, the knit-picking was the crescendo of a tirade by the Arizona senator, in which he blistered aides about the minutiae of the campaign. While many septuagenarians live in a perpetual state of sweater weather, McCain reportedly declared his frustration with being told to don the perceived homosexual outerwear in order to look younger and more approachable…

The McCain campaign did not officially respond for comment, but one source that has been close to the senator poses the question most J. Crew shoppers are no doubt asking: “How can a crew-neck sweater make you look gay? They make him look silly, sure. Old, too. But not gay. That’s Romney’s department.“

In fairness to McCain, his sweaters are exceedingly gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Unless you’re McCain, that is: