Video: Good news -- Paris finds God in jail

You didn’t think I’d do it, did you?

The best part of this clip is that it practically guarantees a special Paris appearance on “The View” when she gets out, where she’ll talk about her grueling five-day ordeal of eating unsweetened oatmeal and playing ping pong all day and and how it led her inexorably to Jesus. Money quote:

I’m not the same person I was… I used to act dumb, it was an act and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am… I am 26 years old now and it is a different time. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance… My spirit or sould did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail. God has released me.

She’s thinking of building Paris Hilton’s Playhouse for sick children once she gets out. Oh, and her face is really dry because they won’t let her use moisturizer.

I leave you with the ultimate contrarian’s predictably contrarian response to the global Paris-bashing this weekend. Enjoy it; it’s the first and last time you’ll find a socialist scolding people for indulging their class resentment.

Update: Just what we need to make this a full, three-ring circus — perspective from O.J.


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