Finally: Jacko to build 50-foot laser-equipped robot replica of himself

Note: not a statue. A robot.

All I can say is, it’s about time.

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004’s turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital.


The robot is programmed to pressure smaller, more impressionable robots into sleeping with it. Just sleeping, mind you; in the same bed, naked, but no touching.

Because big robots touching little robots “that way” is wrong.

Exit question: When the robot eventually runs amok and terrorizes Las Vegas, and it will, which branch of the military will be called in to deal with it? Most of you are going to say the Air Force, but I’m thinking artillery. Yup. 4th ID to the rescue! Place your bets, chumps.

Update (Ian): Michael Jackson in Vegas hospital with pneumonia.

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John Sexton 7:00 PM on December 09, 2023