Planet saved: Cow belch miracle cure set to debut

Why is this necessary? Doesn’t the Goracle’s firm already sell cow-fart offsets?

This’ll make for an amusing green-tinted clusterfark when PETA finds out they’re force-feeding bovine alka-seltzer to the cows. Fist-sized for extra comfort, too!

According to scientific estimates, the methane gas produced by cows is responsible for 4% of greenhouse gas emissions. And now, German scientists have invented a pill to cut bovine burping.

The fist-sized plant-based pill, known as a bolus, combined with a special diet and strict feeding times, is meant to reduce the methane produced by cows…

Prof Drochner wants to use the pill to trap some of the energy from the methane, which is naturally produced in the fermentation process when a cow digests grass and is later mostly burped out through their mouths. Until now it has been wasted.

“We could use the energy to boost the cow’s metabolism,” he said. The idea is that the cows would use the methane to produce glucose instead of passing it as wind. In turn this should help them to produce more milk.

Better hurry up. Meanwhile, Denver’s arson investigators are probing a rash of unauthorized carbon emissions involving fuel-inefficient vehicles. Note the detail about the inscription.