Video: Trump tells Miss USA she's not fired

Mary K IM’d me while this was going on to make sure I was clipping it, so comically overwrought was the spectacle.

Allegedly she’s a cokehead, an alcoholic, and a skank known for going “the extra mile” in club bathrooms, although Trump says not all the rumors are true. Besides, she has a “good heart,” and after all, which of us hasn’t been magically transformed into a skanky alcoholic cokehead by the temptations of New York City at one time or another? So she’s getting a second chance. Shrewd marketing: America loves a victim, even when they’re a victim of their own excesses.

If she misbehaves again, which she almost certainly will, she’s out. So we’ll have to wait a few months more for the inevitable Penthouse layout.

It’ll probably be their best selling issue ever.

Update: TMZ was just waiting for this to start posting the photos, weren’t they?