One of these stories is untrue

Somehow today turned into Gimmicky Crap Day.

True or false?

1. House Republicans are working on a compromise immigration bill that would trust illegals to deport themselves.
2. The hottest trend in men’s fashion is the purse, colloquially known as the “man-tote.”
3. A Democratic candidate for Senate in Maryland has been charged with beating and raping his 20-year-old mail-order bride.
4. Kos regrets using the words “screw them” with regard to American contractors murdered in Fallujah, but otherwise stands by his comment.
5. Fox News chief Roger Ailes has accused Keith Olbermann of having “few viewers except those he gets when he attacks Fox News.”
6. Howard Dean’s brother Joe is using the PAC Dean created to campaign for Ned Lamont.
7. Cindy Sheehan is in a “black funk of depression” over Israel’s “morally reprehensible” actions in Lebanon.
8. A Berkeley grad student has published a poem in which she fantasizes about being penetrated by Hezbollah.
9. Pakistan has ramped up its nuclear production cycle and will soon produce enough plutonium for 20-30 bombs a year.

Answer: Gotcha.

1. False. Senate Republicans are working on it, too.
2. False. It’s most commonly known as the, er, “man-bag.”
3. False. She’s 19.
4. False. He stands by it root and branch.
5. False. He accused him of having no viewers except those he gets when he attacks Fox.
6. False. Dean’s brother’s name is Jim.
7. False. It’s a blue funk.
8. False. She said she didn’t want to be penetrated by Hezbollah on account of the fact that they’re too much man.
9. False. It’s more like 40-50.