Public restrooms induce a certain low-level anxiety in users. There is etiquette to observe; puddles to dodge; sounds to ignore; dilemmas surrounding flushing. But the anxieties of the public restroom need not induce shame, because they are also universal. We are all at the mercy of public restrooms — supermodels, world leaders, regular gals. Shared toilets are equalizers. Sit or squat, we do it in solidarity.
Nonetheless, the Daily Beast’s Laura Dimon (daughter of Jamie) reports that “the last office taboo for women” is “doing your business at work.” Really? …
This logic doesn’t make a lot of sense, because the workplace that requires a woman to poop right in front of a man is pretty rare. (Ally McBeal’s co-ed bathroom notwithstanding.) But since Dimon managed to find a few neurotic females terrified to the point of contortion at the prospect of pooping at work, let’s make sure we make this really clear: It is okay to poop at work. Nobody is judging you. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a shit about your shits — we’re too busy shitting in our own stalls.
Go poop in your office bathrooms, everyone. It’s what our feminist foremothers would have wanted. Every woman deserves a poop of her own.