Reuters
New Venezuelan president: Hugo Chavez nudged Jesus to make an Argentinian become pope
Late Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez may have had a hand in Christ’s decision to opt for a Latin American pope, acting President Nicolas Maduro said on Wednesday.
“We know that our commander ascended to the heights and is face-to-face with Christ,” Maduro said at a Caracas book fair. “Something influenced the choice of a South American pope, someone new arrived at Christ’s side and said to him: ‘Well, it seems to us South America’s time has come.’”…
“He (Chavez) may also call a constitutional assembly in Heaven at any moment to change the (Catholic) church on earth so the people, the pure people of Christ, may govern the world,” Maduro added of his mentor.
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Venezuela’s government is like if Rep. Hank Johnson was our president. Just layers of crazy.
Jim-Rose on March 13, 2013 at 8:09 PM
If Jesus was ever going to listen to Chavez it probably would have been during one of Hugo’s many long and painful breakdowns as he was dying from being a pain in the ass. Crying out to Jesus in pain, night after night. They beauty of it is just so, well, beautiful. And now that he gets to enjoy his nightly brimstone enemas, I doubt he has much time to worry about papal politics.
Flange on March 13, 2013 at 8:13 PM
[Jim-Rose on March 13, 2013 at 8:09 PM]
Or like our current president, Joe Biden.
Dusty on March 13, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Same as the old boss.
22044 on March 13, 2013 at 8:15 PM
Pork-Chop on March 13, 2013 at 8:17 PM
“We know that our commander ascended to the heights and is face-to-face with Christ,” Maduro said at a Caracas book fair.
Thanks for letting us know Chavez denounced Socialism and repented all his actions as President on his death bed.
Dusty on March 13, 2013 at 8:18 PM
This has been confirmed.
budfox on March 13, 2013 at 8:22 PM
What is in the water in Venezuela?
rbj on March 13, 2013 at 8:28 PM
Oh, come on…
Everyone knows it’s because of the sternly worded letter Peanut Carter sent God….
viking01 on March 13, 2013 at 8:29 PM
So, why didn’t Hugo nudge Jesus and ask him to cure his cancer, genius?
Resist We Much on March 13, 2013 at 8:31 PM
President Hank Johnson would rename Guam and call it “Lilliput” and, as Commander-in-Chief, he would order all “abnormally small” Marines to be stationed there.
Dem rep: I’m deeply sorry for calling abnormally small people “midgets”
Resist We Much on March 13, 2013 at 8:36 PM
The same stuff that’s in DC’s water.
chimney sweep on March 13, 2013 at 8:41 PM
Maduro attacks his opponents by calling them gay jews.
Blake on March 13, 2013 at 8:57 PM
This man isn’t even constitutionally supposed to be president since Chávez was never sworn in. Where is the outcry from the leftist media about the pre-election coup?
steebo77 on March 13, 2013 at 9:19 PM
So did Chávez.
steebo77 on March 13, 2013 at 9:20 PM
Why an Argentinian? Why not a Venezuelan if he had The Big Guy’s ear?
Fallon on March 13, 2013 at 9:51 PM
How exactly did he nudge Jesus from Hell?
Kensington on March 13, 2013 at 10:39 PM
Well, since el Diablo is busy here on Earth, maybe he used the hotline.
James on March 13, 2013 at 10:52 PM