Love in the time of algorithms
Finding a mate used to be a long quest that drew upon the aid of family, friends and co-workers to uncover a few people who might be date-worthy. Relationship websites now offer hundreds of potential mates at a keystroke. …
This is all rich anthropological loam, and in “Love in the Time of Algorithms” journalist Dan Slater has dug in manfully to explain how technology is transforming how we meet and fall in love. The guiding principle of his book is that anyone who wants a happy relationship deserves one, and if online dating is the means to obtaining it, so be it. Meeting online may not be what Hollywood calls a “meet cute,” but it is increasingly common.
Along with introducing readers to the many men and women looking for romance online, Mr. Slater recounts the accomplishments of the entrepreneurs who have profited from computerized dating services over the past half a century—an exotic and often sharp-tongued bunch.
In 1964, Jeff Tarr, an undergraduate mathematician at Harvard, was so desperate to meet girls that he struck upon the idea of composing and distributing dating questionnaires, which he then fed into an IBM computer the size of a large bookcase, in order to match men and women at colleges across New England. …
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Online dating is starting to be necessary for many people due to the disappearance of the “third place” in American life.
In the past, people went church socials, the Elk’s lodge, etc where they would come into contact with plenty of people and it was very likely that at least one would catch their fancy (or at least one would know of an eligible man/woman that they’d like).
Now, we move thousands of miles away from our family, we don’t attend church, we don’t join civic/social clubs, dating co-workers is against company policy, etc.
For a lot of people, if you don’t meet ‘the one’ during your school years, you don’t have a lot of options besides the internet.
Which is not to say that there are NO options….just that it’s perfectly understandable that online dating has increased.
JadeNYU on January 29, 2013 at 10:49 PM
I met my wife online. Worked for us, for some it doesn’t. One the I think online dating has done though is increase the chances of people who would have never wound up getting married before, now getting married… and having babies. My wife and I are ardent prolifers, but after over a decade of working in schools with special needs children she noticed a fairly common trait in one or both parents, that they’re odd. We’re not talking mild silliness or odd like Barney Fife, but worse than Gomer Pyle. Most of these odd parents seem to be highly intelligent too.
Logus on January 29, 2013 at 11:11 PM
I’ve actually done quite a bit of this, but don’t think of it as Internet “dating”. It’s more of an introduction service where you can generally find out information like interests, age, offspring status, etc. in advance. So, profiling.
JollyRoger on January 29, 2013 at 11:25 PM
Internet dating works when there is some guarantee of both parties being real. Anonymity is still too valued for there to be any verifying (even with the subscription models use of credit cards).
nobar on January 29, 2013 at 11:31 PM
I am so glad I met my wife when 1200-baud acoustic-coupled modems were not a standard household item.
Shy Guy on January 29, 2013 at 11:41 PM
I imagine it is most reliable as a way to find someone who shares a very particular interest or circumstance. As an all-purpose dating tool it seems hopelessly random, and as a sex generator, downright scary.
Seth Halpern on January 29, 2013 at 11:46 PM
Actually the pay sites are awful. Maybe 1% of profiles are paying members, so replies/messages are few and far between. At least for guys.
JollyRoger on January 29, 2013 at 11:57 PM
My dating site is a winery where I work.
That’s good enough
blatantblue on January 30, 2013 at 12:28 AM
I will admit I get tempted to join a site every so often.
Meetup.com is great. It’s a website where you can find like minded people who get together based on INTERESTS.
For example, if you love wine, you can find wine groups who go out to do different things.
Or you can find people who like civil war era stamps, etc.
blatantblue on January 30, 2013 at 12:29 AM
I was at a bar in my new town and I saw kids from the Meetup.com page. They just get together and go to the trivia night at the bar, and new people come along, etc.
blatantblue on January 30, 2013 at 12:29 AM