“The new date is ‘hanging out’”
Hookups may be fine for college students, but what about after, when they start to build an adult life? The problem is that “young people today don’t know how to get out of hookup culture,” Ms. Freitas said. In interviews with students, many graduating seniors did not know the first thing about the basic mechanics of a traditional date. “They’re wondering, ‘If you like someone, how would you walk up to them? What would you say? What words would you use?’ ” Ms. Freitas said.
That may explain why “dates” among 20-somethings resemble college hookups, only without the dorms. Lindsay, a 25-year-old online marketing manager in Manhattan, recalled a recent non-date that had all the elegance of a keg stand (her last name is not used here to avoid professional embarrassment)…
“I’ve seen men put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a woman out,” said Anna Goldfarb, 34, an author and blogger in Moorestown, N.J. A typical, annoying query is the last-minute: “Is anything fun going on tonight?” More annoying still are the men who simply ping, “Hey” or “ ’sup.”
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In other words Obamanomics has made them broke and their VD from all those hookups the NYT considers “fine” has soon made that feral state practically meaningless.
viking01 on January 14, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Dating and courting and falling in love with that perfect someone who you were going to live happily ever after with and whatnot gave us a 50+% divorce rate. Is this really all that much worse?
alchemist19 on January 14, 2013 at 11:04 PM
Go back about 30 years or so ago and it was nowhere near 50 pct divorce rate.
What changed are the social and legal means to avoid ethical and parental responsibilities typically by substituting gummint.
viking01 on January 14, 2013 at 11:09 PM
When women expect and reward courtship, they get courtship. If they don’t, they won’t.
Robert_Paulson on January 14, 2013 at 11:15 PM
What gave us the 50+% divorce rate is the institution of “no-fault” divorces. When it’s not easy to get out of a situation (without getting your ass handed to you, metaphorically), one looks at getting into the situation a lot more seriously.
Mitoch55 on January 14, 2013 at 11:17 PM
that’s like true love for sandra fluke…./
ted c on January 14, 2013 at 11:17 PM
This is right and it is so disgusting.
Illinidiva on January 14, 2013 at 11:27 PM
I still have no idea how to get into hookup culture- let alone how to get out of it.
Seth Halpern on January 14, 2013 at 11:37 PM
Hey, if 50% of all marriages end in divorce, then how do the other 50% end?
That’s right… DEATH!!!!!!!!!
Take your pick.
UltimateBob on January 14, 2013 at 11:38 PM
Perhaps men are putting the same effort into these relationships that they think they are worth?
sharrukin on January 14, 2013 at 11:41 PM
Fortunately the whole lack of marriage/lack of child births thing will eventually resolve itself in affected societies.
Neo on January 14, 2013 at 11:47 PM
Feminism gave us the 50% divorce rate and it wasn’t by accident. Undermine the family and it paves the way for that gap in private life to be filled by an ever growing government, and in the process it conveniently legitimizes the single working lifestyle willingly pursued by lesbians and militant feminists by pushing other women into the ranks of the unmarried. It’s all just another offshoot of the Marxist offensive against the American people, well into its late stages by now.
As for the whole “hanging out” as dating thing. Meh both ways. I dislike dating but I absolutely despise the culture of casual sex that surrounds the hookup.
Gingotts on January 14, 2013 at 11:52 PM
Guys have to protect themselves a bit too. A nice date with drinks can easily hit 100 dollars. That is fine with the understanding that there will be a more equitable division down the road. In this day and age we don’t always have to spring for that for the first or second date. (This is more applicable to the blind date-esque nature of online dating.) The get to know you dates are simple. If you are a good fit, let the courtship begin. I have seen a few stories like this where women can really rack up the benefits by being a serial dater: http://www.themarysue.com/woman-used-match-com-for-free-dinners/
Enough guys are either just hopeless romantics or natural suckers that they let themselves get used while other guys are getting the milk for free.
Chubbs65 on January 15, 2013 at 12:00 AM
The best part of the article was the following comment: “Really NYT?…. This article should have addressed the LGBT community as well. Inclusion matters.” This for an article that evaluates “American” dating patterns by considering only the largest, densest urban areas.
calbear on January 15, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Its the whole casual sex thing. Now do not get me wrong, I still stand by the fact that if you get with someone without marriage, its not the end of the world, then again, you should avoid the whole random person you just met 3 hours ago and now you knocking boots, only to leave and not hear from them again.
There is no meaning behind the sex anymore with young people for the most part. It is truely sad.
watertown on January 15, 2013 at 6:02 AM
To add to what I said. The whole “sex” thing actually made you work at dating and making something that resembled a relationship, even if it did not lead to marriage.
watertown on January 15, 2013 at 6:12 AM
There’s a problem with the “50% divorce rate statistic” that I’ve read. Built into it is the fact that people who have gone through a divorce are more likely to get divorced in a subsequent marriage. The real statistic is something like 40ish percent for first marriages. The rate is also lower for marriages which produce children, and the older the couples are at marriage, the more likely they are to stay together. There are a few other factors to look at as well, but the point is that the “50%” claim is tenuous at best.
Othniel on January 15, 2013 at 6:53 AM
Hanging out and hookup culture. Gee which party/ political leaning brought us that and all other defective culture that is tanking the country?
JeffB. on January 15, 2013 at 6:58 AM
Soap-deprived liberal hippies who grew up to become the next generation of indoctrinators and liars…I mean teachers and politicians.
MelonCollie on January 15, 2013 at 9:43 AM