The 10 worst Christmas movies
Miracle on 34th Street
You could fill a roster of the best Christmas movies just from the 1940s: Remember the Night, Holiday Inn, Meet Me in St. Louis, It’s a Wonderful Life, Tenth Avenue Angel… stop me right now, because this is a worst list. The decade also had a few Christmas clinkers, and one is writer-director George Seaton’s shrilly sentimental fable. Edmund Gwenn is the “real” Kris Kringle, who takes a job as a Santa surrogate at Macy’s department store, and for a time only adorable Natalie Wood, 9 at the time, and her gorgeous divorced mom Maureen O’Hara take him at rosy-cheeked value. “Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to,” says divorced mom Maureen O’Hara. It’s faith, then, that accounts for the elevation of this ordinary little parable, in which Christmas legend and retail commercialism work hand in ho-ho-hand. (The 1994 John Hughes remake, with Richard Attenborough as Kris, was easier to take.)
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Wow… Talk about a Grinch. The only person in the world who hates Miracle on 34th Street.
Illinidiva on December 25, 2012 at 10:38 PM
More dreck from Time.
aquaviva on December 25, 2012 at 11:43 PM
Leave Natalie alone!
Knott Buyinit on December 25, 2012 at 11:56 PM
Whoa, The Bells of St. Mary’s and Miracle on 34th Street are both excellent movies.
Othniel on December 26, 2012 at 12:05 AM
Anything with Will Ferrel
Anything with Sinbad
Jeddite on December 26, 2012 at 12:46 AM
Richard Corliss deserves a kick in the nuts for Christmas.
Ward Cleaver on December 26, 2012 at 1:04 AM
Quick!
Someone stick Mr. Corliss’s tongue to a frozen flag pole!
Don’t bother the cops or fire department. They’re busy enough already.
Jack Deth on December 26, 2012 at 1:33 AM
Haha, Jack!
Alana on December 26, 2012 at 1:43 AM
I see troll is available in article size this season.
29Victor on December 26, 2012 at 1:44 AM
Well, I’ve finally met the character who first uttered bah humbug. And don’t give me that Dickens stuff – he was just a novelist. This guy is a real life vampire — he’ll suck the joy right out of you.
platypus on December 26, 2012 at 1:51 AM
Richard’s nickname is Dick.
John the Libertarian on December 26, 2012 at 2:38 AM
Can’t take this list seriously since it leaves out the absolute worst Christmas movie ever: Santa With Muscles, starring Hulk Hogan.
Good Solid B-Plus on December 26, 2012 at 2:53 AM
I’ve never seen “Bells of St. Mary” or “Miracle on 34th Street,” but some of the other choices were a little odd to put on the list.
“Frosty” is not a movie, it’s a TV special.
“Silent Night, Deadly Night” may take place AT Christmas, but it’s a slasher movie, not a Christmas movie. And not a particularly good one — after watching it my first thought was, “If enough people would have actually seen the film, it would have been out of the theaters in a week.”
“An American Carol” is not a Christmas movie, it takes place on the 4th of July.
ScoopPC11 on December 26, 2012 at 5:33 AM
“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
’nuff saud.
Rixon on December 26, 2012 at 5:41 AM
nuff saud? SAID!
sheesh.
Rixon on December 26, 2012 at 5:41 AM
Today’s movies do not need a good plot and people who can actually act. That is all compensated for by bigger and badder special effects and even larger egos. Going back to the earlier (and simpler)times might be an improvement. Back then we had actors and actresses, not movie stars. The writer of this article needs to take his right hand and grab his left ear. Then take his left hand, grab his right ear, and with a firm twisting motion, pull his head out of his ass.
DAT60A3 on December 26, 2012 at 6:38 AM
Jingle All the Way and Santa With Muscles didn’t make the list. The Bells of St. Mary’s and Miracle on 34th Street did. Thank you, Mr. Corliss, for reminding us how you view movies through an anti-Christian and anti-capitalistic prism. Including An American Carol seals the deal; it needed some help, but it’s only tenuously a Christmas movie and seems to be included just for the sake of taking another bitter swipe at it.
apostic on December 26, 2012 at 6:45 AM
Back in the day, articles of this quality could at least be used to line the birdcage or wipe your butt.
justltl on December 26, 2012 at 7:07 AM
Indeed. I was going to remark that a print version would be handy for lining the litter box or birdcage, but on reflection realised how redundant that would be.
TKindred on December 26, 2012 at 7:28 AM
NEWSWEEK just published their final issue. Can TIME be far behind?
Naturally Curly on December 26, 2012 at 7:32 AM
Ferrell I can take…but Sinbad? How he ever got popular will remain one of the world’s great mysteries.
JetBoy on December 26, 2012 at 7:53 AM
The Bells of Saint Mary’s and Miracle on 34th Street?
When did Scrooge start writing movie reviews for TIME?
SagebrushPuppet on December 26, 2012 at 8:01 AM
Frosty The Snowman too? Wow. The only reason I never liked Frosty as a kid was because I cried every time he melted. Don’t judge me.
vcferlita on December 26, 2012 at 8:06 AM
Whew. Elf has got to be one of the worst ever. SNL’s been good for foisting a lot of wretched movies on the public.
ddrintn on December 26, 2012 at 8:27 AM
As for dick’s favorite holiday movie, I give you …
Lost in Jersey on December 26, 2012 at 8:41 AM
As for richard’s favorite holiday movie, I give you …
Lost in Jersey on December 26, 2012 at 8:51 AM
Probably because it was in color and not that icky black and white. /s
But actually, many of today’s movie aficionados haven’t a clue how to judge the worth of a film. I took a film appreciation class a number of years ago. In the class (surprise!) we watched various types of movies (predominately in black and white). One time we were getting set to watch another when one of the students asked (with a whine), “Is this one in color?” As though that were the base of whether a movie was worthwhile.
Mitoch55 on December 26, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Anyone who disses Miracle on 34th Street shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Beaglemom on December 26, 2012 at 9:44 AM
He has “Ernest Saves Christmas” on the list. The nerve.
Myron Falwell on December 26, 2012 at 10:34 AM