“I’m a lesbian, and I’m never getting married”
Still, it’s not for me. My resistance to marriage isn’t about avoiding commitment or responsibility. I’ve been in a blissfully happy monogamous relationship for going on 16 years. We own property and are raising a cat together. I just don’t want to be a wife—and I don’t want a wife of my own.
I came out back when gay and marriage went together like an octopus and carriage. I never dreamed of a fabulous wedding or hoped that the institution would one day be open to the likes of me. When people say you can’t go to a party, it’s natural to decide that you’d rather stay away. …
Does my discomfort at being considered another woman’s wife stem from internalized self-loathing? Maybe, but mostly I think I’m responding to the essential conservatism of marriage mania. …
I’ve noticed that my visceral anti-marriage animus is particularly strong when I hear twentysomething lesbians talking about their wives and fiancees. Are they really going to mate for life, like swans in sensible shoes? That seems attractive at 35, but at 25 it’s positively Amish. Worst of all, it threatens the continued evolution of a talent perfected over the millennia as our relationships have gone unrecognized by church and state: a gift for breaking up. Lesbians tend to bond intensely and often. Once a relationship has run its course, lovers become great friends. If you know a lesbian, chances are you know a lesbian who’s gone on vacation with her current girlfriend, an ex-girlfriend, and a dog she once shared with a different ex.
Blowback
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Compensation for redundancy.
OldEnglish on November 30, 2012 at 7:45 AM
Friends with benefits?
2L8 on November 30, 2012 at 7:52 AM
8:02am – and you just gave me the days first hard laugh – thanks
jake-the-goose on November 30, 2012 at 8:03 AM
OldEnglish on November 30, 2012 at 8:16 AM
Wow, it’s almost as if you don’t get the purpose of sexual relationships!
Living4Him5534 on November 30, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Sounds like the kind of relationship men have with their cars.
tommyboy on November 30, 2012 at 8:27 AM
Fine.
SC.Charlie on November 30, 2012 at 8:33 AM
Um… okay.
The Rogue Tomato on November 30, 2012 at 8:35 AM
Are they planning to put that cat through college?
The Rogue Tomato on November 30, 2012 at 8:36 AM
Wanna bet the cat marries a dog?
jake-the-goose on November 30, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Nah, it’s just that the reason they don’t want to marry each other is that they’d prefer to marry the cat. So they’ll just wait a decade until the Dems get around to normalizing that as well.
Mr. Prodigy on November 30, 2012 at 8:45 AM
This and the comments have given me a chuckle this morning. We have a very large family with quite a number of lesbians in it. (We’re kind of a cluster for Alzheimer’s disease and lesbianism, not that there is any linkage between the two.)
Most of the older couples have been together for 20+ years and never speak of marriage. A young (mid-twenties) shirttail cousin married her girlfriend last year. There was tepid support from the old gals. There is definitely a riff in “the community.”
And, yes. They do treat their pets even more like children than most. It’s sweet and sad. Maternal instincts with nothing to mother but cats and/or dogs.
Fallon on November 30, 2012 at 8:47 AM
That’s racist! Or sexist… Hell I don’t know, you are both. /sarcasm
BigGator5 on November 30, 2012 at 8:47 AM
“I’m a lesbian, and I’m never getting married”
Alternative headline, “It’s all about me! ME! MEEEE!”
“Now go work so the Govt. can support my choices without comment”
LincolntheHun on November 30, 2012 at 9:04 AM
My brother’s daughter just recently married in Massachusetts to an Army lower enlisted. The ladies Facebook page is a crusade for family benefits for SS married couples.
They also don’t live together after she was injured in a “playful fight”.
hawkdriver on November 30, 2012 at 9:16 AM
What a sad, sad way of living. A life with no hope of bonding with one special person for the rest of your life just seems so depressing to me. Heterosexual or homosexual.
Mitoch55 on November 30, 2012 at 9:24 AM
It’s funny – and I appreciate the sarcasm – the more names you get called – the less you care about being called names.
At some point – I just shrug and think to myself – “well – ok”
jake-the-goose on November 30, 2012 at 9:29 AM
Is it just me, or do they feel like a lot more than 3-4% of the population?
djl130 on November 30, 2012 at 9:39 AM
3-4% of the population and 30-40% of the public pronouncements.
Mr. D on November 30, 2012 at 9:50 AM
I believe it is called perceptual vigilance and/or selective perception. By design and they don’t even mention beautiful complicated weddings like the kind we see on Bravo or TLC…
Fallon on November 30, 2012 at 9:57 AM
I came out back when gay and marriage went together like an octopus and carriage.
It’s all TMI for me.
Paul-Cincy on November 30, 2012 at 10:12 AM
“Raising a cat”?!? WTF?
Ward Cleaver on November 30, 2012 at 10:18 AM
I guess this is NOT the time to talk about parts not fitting together, or it being sick, or asking “but what do you DO?” or about whether she always wished she had a closer relationship with her mother, or whether men could be from another planet as far as she can tell, or how should could be happy if society just accepted her for who she really is, inside.
Paul-Cincy on November 30, 2012 at 10:18 AM
God I’m so tired of these people.
Dork B. on November 30, 2012 at 10:28 AM
I’ve probably raised a dozen cats over the years, and let me tell you, they can be a handful. What with the sneaking around, and staying out all night. It’s the type of heartbreak no parent should have to endure./s
teacherman on November 30, 2012 at 10:28 AM
I’ve read that domestic violence is most common in lesbian relationships.
JannyMae on November 30, 2012 at 10:45 AM
To paraphrase Ingio Montoya: You keep using that monogamous word, I do not think it means what you think it means.
I’m sensing a bit of conflict between the idea of monogamy and a “gift for breaking up”. I know many straight people with that same gift. It comes with the gift of cheating. Gays and lesbians define monogamy the way Bill Sykes for Oliver Twist did.
Monogamy? “Of course I do; I live with ya, don’t I?”
I know some gays. The main focus of marriage for them is not love or monogamy as you don’t need marriage for the former and they have no interest in the latter. Marriage for them is mostly about employer and government benefits.
Rocks on November 30, 2012 at 10:48 AM
FIFY
xblade on November 30, 2012 at 11:03 AM
That was informative. /
I’m sure your niece would be thrilled that you invoke her marriage to make political points. Is your marriage perfect? Have you ever made a mistake that could result in a conviction, even misdemeanor?
Your attempt to cast a dim light on lesbianism by using your niece is pretty low. I was mistaken yesterday. You’re not a phony. You are the real deal.
Adoption?
Interesting claim.
Where did you read that? Please provide a link.
Capitalist Hog on November 30, 2012 at 11:22 AM
Coward and dick of the first order.
hawkdriver on November 30, 2012 at 4:54 PM
What do you think I’m a phony about?
hawkdriver on November 30, 2012 at 4:55 PM
PS Liberal coward douche bag, how am I attempting anything by stating a fact.
hawkdriver on November 30, 2012 at 5:04 PM