“Relations have been rather strained ever since Mr Crews fired off what he now calls his ‘Sh**-O-Gram’”
So was Mr Crew’s scathing email the product of two out-of-touch, stiff-upper-lip parents with unrealistically high expectations of their children?
The kind of parents who long to boast at dinner parties of their children’s achievements? Or is it the kind of email many ageing parents — still nurturing their needy, financially struggling, emotionally dependent offspring well into their late 30s and 40s — would secretly love to write?
Today, Emily, now working as a translator in France, still finds her father’s email hard to stomach, but admits: ‘A lot of what Dad said is true and with time I’ve become more sympathetic towards his point of view.
‘What he said is what a lot of people of his age, gender and class would probably like to say to their children but would never dare to.
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As I believe it says in the Bible: Spare the email, spoil the child.
eforhan on November 27, 2012 at 10:43 PM
I can sympathize with this guy over his kids dumping their problems on their mother I can’t on the rest. His main complaint seems to be that his kids did not automatically become upper middle class despite the money he spent on their education. Considering the ever increasing tax burden this is not surprising. Everyone under 50 is going to live a much poorer life than their parents from now on. That’s what becoming more socialist means unless you were very poor to start with. The broken marriages come more frequently with that too.
Rocks on November 27, 2012 at 11:10 PM
“Ages, 35, 38, 40.” Ugh. Put me down as “Team A$$hole Dad.” I’m super blunt with my kids, too, but at 22 & 24, sound more accomplished than these 3.
di butler on November 28, 2012 at 1:13 AM
I think both sides are blind. As someone who has long had a rocky relationship with my father, I can relate to mr. Crews’ children vis a vis the email, however, I’m not so dense to not see that just as both my father and I are both to blame for our problems and disagreements as well as where we are in life, so too with mr. Crews and his children.
A sub captain… And just how often was he home? How often were his children home? This can have an affect on the mindset and personality as well as future of said children, even if mr. Crews wasn’t gone for months at a time. There’s also something to be said about the baby boomer and gen x generational differences in worldview and action. As a gen x’r, I look at many people of my generation and I believe a great many of us have not lived up to our abilities, whether expected or potential. I know I haven’t. I’ve always seemed to be ten years behind the curve, though to be fair the last six years for me was a conscious decision made between my wife and I, putting my career potential on hold. Now however I’m going back to school to do something I’ve wanted to do for over 25 years since I was a preteen. Make maps.
Mr crews may think he was a great dad, and who knows, he might be, but providing an expensive education doesn’t necessarily mean that your children are going to maximize their potential.
Logus on November 28, 2012 at 2:22 AM
yubley on November 28, 2012 at 3:01 AM
That statement is emblematic of the truly pathetic nature of this generation in the West. The fact that this is offered up as some sort of defense makes it that much worse.
ThePrimordialOrderedPair on November 28, 2012 at 3:22 AM
Indeed.
I have three children I’m looking after, one I’m fairly sure will do fine, my daughter I’m not sure yet and the oldest… I’m not sure he could hold down a job at Burger King.
It is exasperating but there is time to turn him around yet.
gdonovan on November 28, 2012 at 5:50 AM
How the hell did this family squabble based on an email sent last February end up in the press?
Blake on November 28, 2012 at 6:25 AM
That’s what I want to know — and it’s the biggest factor in this becoming what may be a permanent family rift instead of a frustrato-gram that sparks real discussion in what otherwise could have been a good experience in the long run for ALL of them.
That said, it’s revealing he’s focusing on his own “relief” and being “true to himself.” I have a relative like this who makes a habit of screaming, and saying the nastiest things when frustrated, just because it relieves her own stress. If this dad were more concerned about his kids than about venting his own feelings, he’d have thought more about how his message was conveyed. I don’t blame them for not speaking to him — the clear message was that he cared more about himself than them.
Even the daughter who’s speaking to him said that the only reason she didn’t react like the other two is that she’d already started getting her life together before she got the email.
inviolet on November 28, 2012 at 6:40 AM
They’re all in their late thirties and early forties with university degrees and cannot seem to get it together, so I could see how frustrating it could be. They also seem self-absorbed. Whining about living in France? Seriously?? However, as someone in her early 30s, it is a struggle to figure out what you do and do not tell your parents. I was recently at a job that made me physically ill; the whole company was nepotism central. I tried to keep my utter hatred of my job away from my parents, but it just ended up making me feel worse. My mom told me to tell her about my frustrations and to not lie to her when I started my next job.
Illinidiva on November 28, 2012 at 7:44 AM
A national tabloid with international reach no less. The Mail is salacious and I bet one of the kids gave it to a Mail reporter, and all the rest were too naieve-angry-stupid to avoid airing their dirty laundry in public.
Discretion would have been the better part of valor here, Commander.
A tawdry mess.
CorporatePiggy on November 28, 2012 at 8:18 AM
As I understand it one of the daughters is promoting a book and put the email out for the publicity potential. How’d that work out for her?
IdrilofGondolin on November 28, 2012 at 8:23 AM
I’m sorry – but I completelty agree with him. I have two totally selfish and screwed up sisters, one is 45 and the other 60, who have never been able to support themselves properly. (They are the reason i SCOFF at the welfare system.) The younger one abandoned her daughter when she was 22 and the child was 5 and my only GOOD sister had to raise her. Now, she whines all the time becuse her daughter won’t acknowledge her. The older one has been on disability SSI for the last five years – and trust me – she could have worked if she wanted to – and buys ipads and iphones (all the newest models) while owing thousands on credit card bills she will never pay. My mother should have written them both a letter like this before she died, but she always fell for their “poor, pitiful me” act. Instead, they ate up THOUSANDS of her retirement $$$, so much so, my mom had to live with me to make ends meet- trust me, this guy has it RIGHT.
djl130 on November 28, 2012 at 8:30 AM
Team Dad! Needed saying.
HerneTheHunter on November 28, 2012 at 8:38 AM
Great, so it didn’t work for your family, so it must be true with this guys…
Maybe this guy was a total failure as a father, sounds like it to me…he’s an idiot, he obviously didn’t guide his children, he just gave them an “education” without educating them himself…Probably a strict, ex military parent, who criticized his children for not scoring enough goals playing soccer… criticized by email no doubt.
The “man” couldn’t even face his children, he had to do it by email…that should give you some hint as to how caring he was.
right2bright on November 28, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Look, I meant that, so far, my kids have pretty much been great, especially mature for their ages. However, to say they’ve never disppointed me in what I wish/wanted for them is crazy. But, it’s not fair to dump all my desires for them onto them. They have different dreams. However, I’d definitely tell them if I could see they were living well below their potential.
di butler on November 28, 2012 at 9:30 AM
I have had a dear friend since V/Nam. When we returned he went into a sociologist career and I into engineering.
He has three children to my two.
His oldest, college educated and 34, lives at home, works part time at a golf course. His youngest dropout and 30, lives in a group home with the Salvation Army, they can no longer allow him in the house as he will steal everything they own to fuel his drug habit.
His middle child, college educated, is OK but is certainly not living up to expectations.
He was always a “friend” to his children.
I on the other hand was a “parent” as my parents had been to me.
Both daughters have a higher education and are responsible adults.
The youngest has two daughters but I fear for their future as they are horribly spoilt. The oldest has just had her first child, I do not fear for her, Kay is stable and even keeled.
By his own admission Crews treated his children like he wanted them to like him. Doesn’t work.
What works is setting expectations and not falling for any “poor, pitiful me” whiny crap.
The only thing wrong with Mr. Crew’s letter is he waited too damn long.
Open The Door on November 28, 2012 at 10:24 AM