Celebrating boys’ “boyness”
No wonder so many boys are so miserable. The modern world of extended years in school and delayed adulthood cuts them off from what they need most. As Adam Cox, a clinical psychologist who interviewed hundreds of boys across the English-speaking world, writes: “The primary missing ingredient in [their] lives – the opportunity that separates them from a sense of personal accomplishment, maturity, and resilience – is purposeful work.”
Boys long to be part of something bigger than themselves. And the bigger and more challenging the task, the happier they are. “If you tell 10 boys you need volunteers to go downtown and work all night on a big, dirty, tough job, and you still expect them to show up at school the next day, they’ll all jump up and volunteer,” says Ms. Gauthier.
Boys also need to imagine themselves in heroic situations. When girls are asked about Vimy Ridge, they say, “Whew, it must have been horrific.” When boys are asked, they imagine what they would have done if they’d been there. “Our most powerful assembly is on Remembrance Day,” says Mr. Power. “Every boy is thinking to himself: How would I have measured up?”
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Do they mean to say that society can’t tell boys as they grow up that being masculine is bad and men are the root of all evil, and then wonder why those same boys are a complete mess psychologically?!
I’m shocked I tell you!
gravityman on November 19, 2012 at 5:47 PM
“Nothing stands in your way, when you’re boy….“
urban elitist on November 19, 2012 at 5:48 PM
Indeed, Ms. Wente, indeed.
Jeddite on November 19, 2012 at 5:52 PM
this article is full of generalizations… there are a lot of boys who are lazy and don’t fit the “heroic” and “challenge-loving” thing at all. and many girls out there long for “purpose” and a “meaningful vocation” and love “trophies and rituals.” everything this article says about boys also applies to a lot of girls too. example:
i’m a girl and when it comes to school, that statement definitely applies to me lol
what is the “world of women”…? is this implying that women are meant to sit behind desks and men are meant to do physical activity, like women and men are supposed to be in those two separate worlds? because that’s pretty silly.
Sachiko on November 19, 2012 at 5:55 PM
Whatever happened to Christina Hoff Sommers?
Paul-Cincy on November 19, 2012 at 6:15 PM
Good knowledge is generalizable. There will always be exceptions, but we have to be able to talk about what most often occurs.
All of us need purpose, but men and women generally find purpose in different ways. Men traditionally have been more likely to engage in rigorous physical activity than women, and this is still the case–that does not mean that no girls or women have such preferences.
There is all sorts of cross-cultural research on differences between the sexes in a variety of areas, and the bottom line is, feminists who claim it is all socialization are simply wrong–men and women have different strengths and different inclinations.
DrMagnolias on November 19, 2012 at 6:17 PM
Leave it to urban elitist to look to David Bowie as some kind of example of manhood.
Paul-Cincy on November 19, 2012 at 6:17 PM
There are gender differences. I guess this disturbs the Left’s idea of equality.
Paul-Cincy on November 19, 2012 at 6:18 PM
I think there is a lot of truth to this- As a mother of boys, they will complain about having to work hard, but they are much happier when I give them shovels and set them digging up garden beds. Seriously, I say: I have a really man sized job, and they get this gleam in their eyes. Granted, they will tell me all about how much their muscles hurt when they are done, but I just keep telling them how strong they are getting.
Kristamatic on November 19, 2012 at 6:27 PM
Leave it to a conservative to have no sense of humor.
Besides, a good capitalist married to a supermodel? We could all take some boy tips from the Thin White Duke.
urban elitist on November 19, 2012 at 6:27 PM
I take it you don’t have a son?
Energetic boys are enemy #1 in the public school system and in daycare. Especially if they are white, relatively affluent or middle class, intelligent, with an intact family of mother and father, and without obvious handicaps. They are constantly getting in trouble for speaking out, not being able to sit still at circle time, smacking each other, and losing interest in ‘sharing’ conversations.
In Grade 3 we will be sending my son to a private Catholic boys school. It costs an arm versus the other area boys’ schools which cost and arm and a leg, and my atheist husband is shuddering, but they are completely devoted to how boys learn.
They have one hour of gym everyday, in addition to recess, after school and lunch programs. Extracurricular includes rocket building, train clubs and rock band plus a lot more. Academic subjects in the morning are very hands-on, arts in the afternoon. Library is full of history, how-to and adventure books.
When the headmaster walks into the room, they all stand up and say “Good day, Headmaster”. They have a ship’s bell to changes classes rather than a buzzer. They build cardboard castles for history class. They go on wilderness excursions. They are knighted into ‘houses’ just like Harry Potter. There is a suit of armor in the front hall of the school.
Just awesome!
Mitsouko on November 19, 2012 at 6:29 PM
I’ve never understood this. Unless they think human value rests on [insert variable here], why would the idea of innate differences bother people?
DrMagnolias on November 19, 2012 at 6:31 PM
What a great school! Too bad they aren’t all like that.
DrMagnolias on November 19, 2012 at 6:33 PM
Humor is everywhere. I try to catch its deluge in a paper cup.
Paul-Cincy on November 19, 2012 at 6:33 PM
That almost sounds like a Bowie line.
I put that song on my answering machine when my son was born.
Early and repeated exposure to Bowie seems not to have feminized him.
urban elitist on November 19, 2012 at 6:37 PM
Profound question. Like asking if there are differences between blacks and whites. In that context, science is disturbing to people because of their own individual racial identification. It’s not about science — it’s about personal identity.
Most people aren’t able to use their minds to get over their own personal identification.
Paul-Cincy on November 19, 2012 at 6:41 PM
Lost my Dad at 9 and man let me tell you there is NO substitute for Dad. Still miss him 70 years later.
Herb on November 19, 2012 at 6:57 PM
I can guess which works better.
Reminds me of some of the more successful Army recruiting slogans, such as, “Be all that you can be.” or “You make him strong, we’ll make him Army strong.”
tom on November 19, 2012 at 7:26 PM
I have to agree with Sachiko on this. Articles like that are jam packed with generalizations.
She cited this as an example:
I’m a female who that statement applies to. If I get bored easily with a task or a topic, I find it hard to pay attention.
TigerPaw on November 19, 2012 at 9:30 PM