How to reboot dating
She concluded on a different note: “Women need to take some responsibility—they’re allowing themselves to be used. It can lead to sexual assault.”
Hooking up, in fact, shares the defining feature of a sexual assault: using another person for your own sexual gratification, without any regard as to what that person wants or how he or she feels. The philosopher Immanuel Kant—who warns against using another person as a mere means to some end—was closer to the truth than many of today’s sexual health experts when he wrote that sex “taken by itself … is a degradation of human nature.”
While sex necessarily involves another person, in the hook-up culture, it is predicated on the disregard of another person. “If all you are is your sexual nature,” a male student tells me, “you’re not a human anymore. You have no dignity.” If you only think of your hook-up buddy as a sexual object, then you have deprived that person of dignity, too.









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Bring back arranged marriages.
Oil Can on November 6, 2012 at 5:08 PM
I thought this was going to be about Stella and her groove.
John the Libertarian on November 6, 2012 at 5:09 PM
Men and women bear equal culpability for the problems with dating.
Lot of guys look for bootay, lot of girls will write you off if you text them twice in a row. It’s absurd.
blatantblue on November 6, 2012 at 5:10 PM
How Stella lost her groove
Terry McMillan’s return from holiday with a man 23 years her junior was the romance that spawned a bestselling book and film. But it all turned sour when, years later, the suitor announced he was gay.
sharrukin on November 6, 2012 at 5:15 PM
Maybe they can do a sequel.
“How Stella got her test results”
Oil Can on November 6, 2012 at 5:20 PM
This chick is clueless. Why would men accept this? What woman truly wants this (as opposed to marriage and children). Feminism has wrought the HU culture–deal with it.
‘Nuff said. She’s about 26–the wall approacheth. In ten years it will be you and your cats, sweetie.
Hope Roissey gets a-hold of this,;his take will will be both excoriating and hilarious. Vox has already had some fun with this piece at Alpha Game.
exlibris on November 6, 2012 at 5:23 PM
Ah, so she’s a Christmas cake.
Fizzmaister on November 6, 2012 at 5:38 PM
I think there are quite a few women like this. For nearly five years, I dated a girl who valued her career over marriage and having children – to the point that the ‘children’ part was a ‘maybe, eventually, when things are perfect.’ She’s very conservative, but very into her job, and extremely focused on advancing her career and her checking account.
You’ll notice I said ‘dated.’
Washington Nearsider on November 6, 2012 at 5:39 PM
In other words, the solution is a dating culture, which still allows women to delay marriage and pursue their careers, and also lets them have those intimate relationships with men that they don’t want to delay.
She is asking guys she wouldn’t give the time of day to for decades, to pay her bills after she has slept with the football team. Why on earth would a guy marry a 35 year old when he could just as easily marry a 25 year old version of herself, or better yet, NOT marry and just take what is on offer.
What does the man get out of this deal?
sharrukin on November 6, 2012 at 5:47 PM
Oh, I agree there are plenty who seem to want this. Half of my law school class, for example. But, like when sharrukin said, they get to be 30+ and realize that 1) Gee, a having a career is kinda not all that fun or fulfilling and 2) where did did all the good men (like you) go, their perspectives change. But by then, it’s too late.
It’s the sheer naivete that gets to me. Work is, as any man can tell you, usually not all that rewarding, in an intangible sense. And most of these women go into cos-play make work HR-type jobs that exist solely because of the influx of women into the workplace. Yeah, that kind of career is really going to make a difference. Totally worth getting up in the morning for. You go, girl.
Anyway, their slogans and constant intra-group reassurance to the contrary, feminists(like the vast majority of women) just aren’t all that cunning or clever or highly motivated. Not like men. Feminists have created this easy-sex world that men of a certain type have learned to sexually flourish in. Exploit, really. In the long run, women suffer. Society suffers. But men? Vidya games and easy access to sex. Not giving that up for this ditz’s dating 2.0 fantasy.
exlibris on November 6, 2012 at 6:20 PM
I don’t see how hooking up benefits anyone but the football team. Why do 90% of men put up with it either?
Seth Halpern on November 6, 2012 at 6:31 PM
Because they are nice guys and they just walk away rather than make waves. They are being called ‘Peter Pan’ these days.
sharrukin on November 6, 2012 at 6:34 PM
WITF?
The defining feature of sexual assault is sexual assault.
WeekendAtBernankes on November 6, 2012 at 6:38 PM
Good gravy, whole lotta shallow “stick it to them uppity wimmins” posters here.
MelonCollie on November 6, 2012 at 6:47 PM
Nope. Just a realization that its a BS deal on offer.
sharrukin on November 6, 2012 at 6:52 PM
Whatever you say…
MelonCollie on November 6, 2012 at 6:57 PM
If a guy wants to marry and have kids why would he marry someone who’s in their mid 30′s and the tail end of their fertility? Why marry someone who’s already had the love of their life and it ain’t you? That’s a lot of a baggage to take on. Why marry someone who’s looks are fading?
She gets a walking wallet. What’s in it for him?
sharrukin on November 6, 2012 at 7:05 PM
Stop. Sleeping. With. Jackasses.
Who she sleeps with is entirely under her own control. It’s stupid to blame a ‘hook-up culture’ when her voluntary participation in that culture is actually encouraging it. I guarantee there are nice guys out there who want to date…these girls just need to grow up and start appreciating them.
James on November 6, 2012 at 7:15 PM
Ummm, no. If that was what was going on, then it would be rape (in extremis). But, it *isn’t* what’s going on, by definition. What’s going on is neither of them cares about the other person that much, but if the other person didn’t want pretty much the same thing, then they wouldn’t be doing hook-ups in the first place.
Exactly.
GWB on November 6, 2012 at 10:50 PM