I do not care much for this “football”
For much of the rest of the world, used to the fluidity of football in its English iteration, this superpower football is a bruising, staccato, technical, over-plotted travesty bereft of flow. For Americans, in turn, soccer is too random, too given to dilettantes and too short of goals. Sure, an N.F.L game is staged every year at London’s Wembley Stadium, and teams like Manchester United draw crowds in the United States. But an ocean of incomprehension separates the sports.
Much as I love America, my love does not extend to its football. I’ve been going to watch Chelsea since I was 6. Some passions run too deep to change.
Huge audiences watched both games Sunday. Both were thrilling and close. Still Chelsea-Manchester United was a thing of greater beauty, even without Eli Manning and Madonna, and with 32 fewer goals. A global vote would surely favor it. At least that’s my objective view.
Blowback
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A survey of globe suggests we all live in piles of crap.
lorien1973 on February 6, 2012 at 7:18 PM
Treason.
mythicknight on February 6, 2012 at 7:20 PM
Don’t care for football estadounidense.
Apologetic California on February 6, 2012 at 7:22 PM
Don’t watch it then champ. I’m really broken up and shamed by your ButtHurt over the fact that soccer isn’t catching fire in the US…even though I have constantly heard it was for the past 25 years.
I did have the Manchester/Chelsea game on…it was kind of exciting…Manchester came back from 3-0 to tie…
BigWyo on February 6, 2012 at 7:25 PM
You may go sit in the pansy corner with George Will. No fighting.
thirtyandseven on February 6, 2012 at 7:27 PM
And I care why? Although congrats on getting paid for the information.
Cindy Munford on February 6, 2012 at 7:28 PM
And yet if they did away with Title IX in ten years almost every player on both Manchester United and Chelsea would be Americans.
Knott Buyinit on February 6, 2012 at 7:30 PM
What soccer (and baseball) have going for them is that at least they are played by ordinary-sized people who haven’t been force-fed at training tables.
Seth Halpern on February 6, 2012 at 7:34 PM
Something tells me ol’ Roger has been following men’s figure skating since the age of 6 too.
Bishop on February 6, 2012 at 7:35 PM
I enjoy and watched both – but this article, humor intent and all is just nonsense.
Say – how many soccer fans died in Egypt last week???
More than all American pro and college football fans in 150+ years…
Say – how much blatant racism is in soccer – including Englands Captain being demoted as he faces a racism charge??? There are well over 100 FIFA investigated racism charges a year
Say – how are those South African stadiums paying off for the “good of the continent???” I do know FIFA took home roughly $3.5B alone. BTW – Any WC host must offer “no taxes charged to FIFA” in their bids… awful odd for that “beautiful global sport”
Now to the game – lets see, 2 goals from Chelsea were own goals… you know – where a guy kicks the ball and it bounces of the defender to “score”… though Man U made a nice comeback… after they were awarded and made 2 penalty kicks.
And if you want to see the most corrupt and inept refs – soccer is for you.
Odie1941 on February 6, 2012 at 7:35 PM
Roger later gushes over synchronised swimming.
JimboHoffa on February 6, 2012 at 7:38 PM
What was it the Boss Emeritus used to write? Dude. That’s. The Point. Or something like that. In a similar vein, did any of you see the goober governor of Maryland defending Obama’s contraception mandate by wailing that the same policy in Italy was not so viciously attacked there? It is just so tough convincing the left that we aren’t like Europe. We’re better, which is why so many people from Italy and other soccer loving lands came here.
radjah shelduck on February 6, 2012 at 7:40 PM
NYTIMES Homo.
moochy on February 6, 2012 at 7:42 PM
Well played sir, well played indeed.
Tim Zank on February 6, 2012 at 7:45 PM
Soccer had to be invented by one of those Committees that run the European Union.
The field is too big.
You cant even use your hands.
Not enough scoring.
They can’t figure how to time the game. No one knows when it will end because of “stoppage time” the amount of which is only known to the referees.
glsmith36 on February 6, 2012 at 7:53 PM
i am not interested in football either but there is no need to write an entire article about how much you don’t like it…
Sachiko on February 6, 2012 at 7:53 PM
Those things are all simply reflective of soccer’s ubiquity. If billions of people played American football all over the globe, that stuff would happen at those games instead.
This is true.
DaveS on February 6, 2012 at 7:56 PM
I played soccer most of my life, and this creep has just creeped me out on it.
John the Libertarian on February 6, 2012 at 7:58 PM
The one good thing about soccer is that genetics(i.e. how tall a player is) make much less of a difference than American sports. There are many top soccer players in the 5’8-5’9 range… there are very few like that in football, basketball, and baseball.
The US needs to do a better job feeding kids into sports their genes will let them compete well at an elite level if they put the work in. Three sports for kids slightly below average in height would be soccer, cycling, and fighting sports like wrestling, boxing, mma, etc.
ninjapirate on February 6, 2012 at 7:58 PM
Whatever, dude. I’ve been watching American football since I was 4. Does that mean I win?
J.E. Dyer on February 6, 2012 at 8:04 PM
Why does everyone compare football to soccer? A more apt comparison would be comparing soccer to basketball or hockey, and if you watch indoor 5 man soccer it’s pretty similar.
jhffmn on February 6, 2012 at 8:05 PM
I don’t have any use for it either. But then, I’m not much of a sports fan in general. Do airshows count?
CurtZHP on February 6, 2012 at 8:13 PM
I’m not a big fan of (American) football, but I’m far less a fan of some schmuck who thinks that Iran loves the Jews.
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on February 6, 2012 at 8:15 PM
I don’t know if they count, but they’re awesome.
J.E. Dyer on February 6, 2012 at 8:15 PM
This is a misconception similar to a weekend warrior low-handicap golfer thinking he has some chance at being as proficient in his sport as a professional. Just because an athlete in a given sport looks ordinary doesn’t mean his or her genetically-determined talent is ordinary.
Knott Buyinit on February 6, 2012 at 8:16 PM
The problem with soccer isn’t the scoring. One of the best sporting events I ever watched was a 2-0 baseball game authored by Randy Johnson.
It’s the lack of spectacle. American sports are often criticized as contests between athletic freaks of nature, but that’s the great thing about American sports. Would you rather go to the circus or to a symphony? With American sports, you get to do both. There’s nothing in soccer that compares to watching something as ridiculous and as simple as the Fridge scoring a 1 yard touchdown.
It’s the anonymity. Soccer players can Bend It Like Beckham, but can basketball players throw in a reverse layup from the baseline like Dr. J? Nope. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime shot that Dr. J owns like a work of art. Even the everyday is one-of-a-kind in American sports. Like Randy Johnson’s slider, or Michael Jordan’s turnaround jumpshot.
The only thing soccer has going for it is its ties to nationalistic pride. The only way to make it interesting is to do something crazy like play it on ice skates.
RightOFLeft on February 6, 2012 at 8:29 PM
Where the hell did I say it was “ordinary”. You’re just going off in a ridiculous tangent and not really understanding what I’m saying.
ninjapirate on February 6, 2012 at 8:31 PM
Who cares?
Throat Wobbler Mangrove on February 6, 2012 at 8:38 PM
Interesting how you never see the opposite: a writer glorifying football and pondering aloud why the rest of the world is stuck on soccer and fails to comprehend the beauty of the NFL. And why don’t we? Because no one needs convincing. If, like this dork, you have to write articles to persuade others (and yourself) of the superiority of soccer, then guess what…it ain’t all that.
Erich66 on February 6, 2012 at 8:42 PM
The difference between football fans and soccer fans is that football fans are capable of pointing out that the other sport sucks without tedious handwringing essays purporting to “prove” it.
That’s all you have to say. You don’t have to vainly try to give your opinion pseudo-legitimacy at editorial length by citing popularity in countries that are not the USA and are therefore irrelevant to anything.
Thankfully, this spiteful faux-contemplative thumbsucking is mostly native to the New York Times, where it can be contained.
HitNRun on February 6, 2012 at 8:51 PM
I think one of the reasons soccer is so popular in much of the world is that much of the world is rather poor compared to the US (and I don’t mean that as snark). To play soccer you need some flat ground and a round(ish) ball making it much more accessible to more people in more places. Add to that the likelihood of injury with our most popular contact sports (many an injury even in intramural flag football in college) and viola – soccer is more common and popular.
All that being said, I played one season of soccer as a kid, hated it and except for a few pro soccer games with my brother I’ve avoided it ever since.
deepdiver on February 6, 2012 at 8:58 PM
Europe: Two World Wars & One Shitty Sport.
BHO Jonestown on February 6, 2012 at 8:59 PM
Professional televised soccer isn’t going to take off in America until they can figure how to put 3 hours of commercials into a 4 hour event.
happytobehere on February 6, 2012 at 9:01 PM
You, sir, are a pu$$y. A sneering effet pu$$y at that. Soccer to me looks like over-refereed, under-manned, chronically broke game of divers and fakers who can’t defend themselves, and like you, Professor Cohen, rarely score.
smellthecoffee on February 6, 2012 at 9:25 PM
Whatever.
So he doesn’t like football. I don’t follow it either. That’s a reason for gloating?
obladioblada on February 6, 2012 at 9:34 PM
Heh, maybe Canada would be more to his liking. Their athlete of the year is a figure skater…….go figure.
antipc on February 6, 2012 at 9:39 PM
The first time I traveled to England in 1989 – a riot broke out, 20+ fans were crushed to death.
Ubiquity has nothing to do with the point this author was trying to make, for the emphasis was on the “beauty, skill, tradition…” nonsense.
Soccer has no boundries due to the cheapness of the sport – but it also comes with a barbaric fanbase, while spitting in the eye of the “feel good great game” The only Continent where people dont get killed is N America. Soccer has been played here for 150+ years.
The game is not an excuse for the fanbase behavior – for FIFA and all Leagues globally make a ton of money off of it.
Again – Africa is a prime example of “we are going to give you false hope while bilking your 3rd world Continent (no disrespect to the S Africans) to the tune of a few billion dollars”.
Thats not beautiful.
OT: What I want to know is – why are American goalies great, whereas England cant field anyone who could make a D 3 collegiate team. Another odd tidbit – USA has made more WC’s and has won more WC games than England in the past 30 years… how the hell does that happen if we are a country who doesn’t “know and play soccer well”?
Odie1941 on February 6, 2012 at 9:44 PM
Fixed /
Go look at the MLS standings.There are teams at the top of last years standings that have nearly as many ties as wins.
CW on February 6, 2012 at 9:50 PM
go back
John Kettlewell on February 6, 2012 at 10:01 PM
Rugby is a real sport. Both footballs are for sissies.
lexhamfox on February 6, 2012 at 10:35 PM
Like a child stomping their foot yelling “I am too old enough!” or Jenny (from the block) or Faith (Mississippi girl)…if you have to protest you are something, that means you aren’t…
cptacek on February 7, 2012 at 12:17 AM