And now, a special comment to “Countdown” viewers

A STATEMENT TO THE VIEWERS OF C*UNTDOWN by Keith Obermeister No. No NO! Sarah Palin’s hand. A meatbag with lipstick. Fart! I want to NO! sincerely thank you for Worst Person in the World! — the honor of your NO NO NO! support. Your efforts have been instrumental to the remedying of Sarah Palin, and the results should remind us of the power of individuals spontaneously acting together to correct injustices great or small. I would like to acknowledge with respect the many commentators and reporters, including those with whom my politics fart, for their support. I also wish to apologize to you viewers for having obfuscated incessantly. You should know that I deliberately violated a stupid rule that pertains to the process by which such political contributions are approved by NBC. Certainly this merited a public rebuke, which I am now giving — my former boss, who is now a janitor, is the Worst Person of the Year! An on-air discussion about the merits of limitations on such campaign contributions would have allowed me to bloviate at length about how the Republican Party, whose recent temporary victories in the mid term elections by no means illustrate the power of individuals spontaneously acting together to correct injustices great and small, is a wholly owned subsidiary of Fox News by virtue of their contributions, just as the Democratic Party is a wholly owned Fart! of me. Indeed, after my representative was assured that no suspension was contemplated, I was suspended without a hearing, and learned of that suspension through the media of which I claim I am not a part, and whose rules should not apply to me. You should also know that I did not attempt to keep any of these political contributions secret; I knew they would be known to you and the rest of the public sometime after the elections in the fullness of time — hopefully several years later. I made them through relatives, friends, corporations, PACs, and all other organizations which do not publish their donors until months after the elections. When a website contacted NBC about one of the donations, I immediately volunteered that there were in fact three thousand of them, each done with a different credit card from different foreign countries; and contrary to much of the subsequent reporting, I immediately volunteered to explain all this, on-air and off, in the fashion MSNBC desired, but was rebuked by the man who will now sweep the floor of my set every evening. That’s what I’m doing now — instructing him how to use a broom, for I also once dreamed of sweeping the ratings until I was brought low by Faux News. I genuinely look forward to rejoining you on C*untdown on Tuesday, to begin the repayment of your latest display of support and loyalty – support and loyalty that is truly mutual. –K.O.

unclesmrgol on November 9, 2010 at 2:16 AM