"We're serious. Just as serious as… as serious as… we're just as… we're… well, anyway, in all seriousness. I have personally notified the Iranian government that they are not allowed to use any of this money for terrorism. So, if they're thinking about doing it… I'll just… I'll say… I'm saying… don't."

When reached for comment, a spokesman for the Iranian regime expressed willingness to adhere to the directions of the note. "Ah, yes," the spokesman said as laughter could be heard in the background of the phone call. "The directions are very clear. We will not use any of these billions and billions of dollars to do any of the things we used the last pallet of cash to do. We promise. Thank you, and death to America."