Green Room

“Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist”

posted at 2:06 pm on February 11, 2014 by

A little mid-day treat from an unlikely source.

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Cute.

Chris of Rights on February 11, 2014 at 2:24 PM

nice!

and with a realistic ending, too.

Hardwick later concluded that her acquaintance’s opposition to most of President Obama’s policies meant he was probably “close enough” to count as a racist.

truthalwayswins on February 11, 2014 at 2:30 PM

“depressingly realistic ending”, that is…

truthalwayswins on February 11, 2014 at 2:32 PM

Who knew that simply telling the truth could be so amusing?

besser tot als rot on February 11, 2014 at 2:34 PM

1) You hold conservative positions because you are stupid.
2) Because you are so stupid that you actually hold conservative positions, you are also too stupid to realize that you are, in fact, racist.

End of discussion.

/Liberal

And this position amounts to an MSNBC host giving a conservative the benefit of the doubt.

JimLennon on February 11, 2014 at 2:41 PM

Hilarious!

22044 on February 11, 2014 at 2:46 PM

Gotta love the Onion. Sometimes it rings so close to the truth.

Hill60 on February 11, 2014 at 2:50 PM

Gotta love the Onion. Sometimes it rings so close to the truth.

Hill60 on February 11, 2014 at 2:50 PM

Good satire always does.

gryphon202 on February 11, 2014 at 3:24 PM

AP – if you’re going to create a thread about something – please actually post it. Some of us have firewalls preventing us from getting to many of the links you use.

dentarthurdent on February 11, 2014 at 3:33 PM

Lol. In real life the “liberal” would have just screamed a bunch of bumper stickers at such a person, and, when those failed, hurl insults, and then, afterward, flat out lie to the news organization and swear up and down that the person had ‘I hate other races’ tattooed on their forehead. And then had union goons beat them up.

WhatSlushfund on February 11, 2014 at 3:39 PM

The most amusing part of this anecdote is that a racist-hunting Liberal entertained the idea that someone wasn’t racist. What a compliment to them, to suggest they could be swayed by evidence!

Also in the news: an interview with a Pro-Lifer who apparently doesn’t want women to be forced to stay at home, bare-foot and pregnant.

LancerDL on February 11, 2014 at 6:14 PM

Silly girl. You’re not supposed to actually listen to his arguments looking for racist comments. The moment you find out he’s a conservative, start shrieking “Racist!!!” until the conversation comes to an end.

Grammar Nazi on February 11, 2014 at 6:40 PM

Gotta love the Onion. Sometimes it rings so close to the truth.

Hill60 on February 11, 2014 at 2:50 PM

No, you don’t. They are 100% in the tank for the Liberal cause. I live where they originated, and although they can be funny they are the enemy.

M240H on February 11, 2014 at 7:52 PM

Just because you don’t make racist statements or discriminate against anyone doesn’t mean you’re not a racist. That’s right, you might be a racist and not even know it, at least according to Melissa Harris-Perry (AKA tampon earring girl). Harris-Perry claims to have the gift of sensing the concealed racism of the white privileged, even when they are unaware of their own racist mindset.

polly2150 on February 11, 2014 at 7:54 PM

I read the piece, and it was obviously a satire of close-minded liberals.

But then I thought, “This is The Onion we’re talking about.” So, obviously, the article is somehow actually satirizing non-racist conservatives.

But then I thought, “This is The Onion we’re talking about.” And I remembered that leftists such as those who author fake stories at The Onion wholeheartedly believe the term “non-racist conservative” to be an oxymoron.

But then I thought, “This is The Onion we’re talking about.” They run fake stories. That’s kinda their thing. So, they could totally run a piece that satirizes close-minded liberals with a concept in which they don’t even believe.

Then it hit me: “This is The Onion we’re talking about.” They’ve cleverly run a piece satirizing close-minded liberals with a concept in which they don’t even believe with the express purpose of catching unsuspecting (and obviously racist) conservatives in an infinite feedback loop, thus politically neutralizing them and their evil (and racist!) agenda until after the November elections.

Right?

yaedon on February 11, 2014 at 9:56 PM

All those wondering why a lefty satire site posted something mocking lefties and making conservatives look good:

Even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day.

Johnny 100 Pesos on February 12, 2014 at 2:53 AM

I don’t suppose being married to someone of another race for over 35 years would do it. Wanting people to succeed based on their talents and achievements is now un-American. I wonder where I belong, because it’s certainly not here.

thefirstMarkD on February 12, 2014 at 7:26 AM

I don’t suppose being married to someone of another race for over 35 years would do it.

thefirstMarkD on February 12, 2014 at 7:26 AM

No, no. It just shows you are extra sneaky about your racism and willing to go deep undercover to hide it.

CJ on February 12, 2014 at 9:06 AM

AP – if you’re going to create a thread about something – please actually post it. Some of us have firewalls preventing us from getting to many of the links you use.

dentarthurdent on February 11, 2014 at 3:33 PM

Here, only the video portions are blocked. The ‘articles’ are generally open. We can also get to Dilbert here. Surprising but true.

GWB on February 12, 2014 at 9:34 AM

A “racist” is evidently anyone who says something even remotely related to race or ethnicity (and no matter how true or free of ideology) that some self-righteous liberal does not approve of.

The word as typically used is a political tool and should be ignored as such.

Chessplayer on February 12, 2014 at 12:55 PM

I don’t suppose being married to someone of another race for over 35 years would do it.
thefirstMarkD on February 12, 2014 at 7:26 AM
No, no. It just shows you are extra sneaky about your racism and willing to go deep undercover to hide it.
CJ on February 12, 2014 at 9:06 AM

Exactly — just like Nobama is deeply undercover, pretending to be a U.S. citizen and not Muslim. Only I’m not being sarcastic or satirical.

brentspolemics on February 12, 2014 at 2:25 PM

Gotta love the Onion. Sometimes it rings so close to the truth.

I see what you did there.

nekodachi on February 13, 2014 at 12:23 AM