Green Room

Greatest headline ever?

posted at 8:31 am on January 7, 2014 by

In order to get the full awesomeness of the headline, we have to see the tweet from Agence France Press first:

The subhead qualifies as a contender, too, but the story is just as weird:

An Australian man who made global headlines after becoming wedged naked in his washing machine during a prank said Tuesday his freeing by police using olive oil was “like a birthing”

The man, who has identified himself only as “Laurence”, opened up about the mortifying incident in which a large group of rescue workers had to grease up his 5 foot-9 inch (175cm), 68-kilogram (150 pound) frame to pull him from his top-loader machine.

He told commercial radio he had “decided to have a bit of sneaky fun while in the nude” but found shortly after clambering into the washing machine that “I couldn’t get actually fully in or fully out and had to call for assistance.”

“I really just wanted another beer,” he said when asked what went through his mind when he realised he was stuck.

 

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What I find strange is that he had his phone to hand – in the laundry, yet!

OldEnglish on January 7, 2014 at 8:59 AM

“I really just wanted another beer,”

Somehow, I just knew that had to be in there somewhere. *shaking head*

GWB on January 7, 2014 at 9:15 AM

Had this happened in Colorado he could have said “I really just wanted another bowl”.

Danny B on January 7, 2014 at 9:28 AM

Another alcohol related incident

WordsMatter on January 7, 2014 at 9:30 AM

A Darwin Award winner who actually lived to tell about it.

Bitter Clinger on January 7, 2014 at 9:40 AM

It’s still got a long way to beat the New York Post’s “Headless Body In Topless Bar” from the late 1970s (a headline the paper will probably be able to duplicate a few years from now, once the new de Blasio administration has worked its magic on the city….)

jon1979 on January 7, 2014 at 9:47 AM

“OBAMA RESIGNS!”

THAT is “the greatest headline ever.”

Stop dicking us around, Ed, it’s too early and too cold!

Maddie on January 7, 2014 at 10:00 AM

I never would have guessed nonpartisan was Australian.

CurtZHP on January 7, 2014 at 10:09 AM

No.

Between this and the Old Spice thread, can somebody tell Cap’N Ed that he’s not an ideal candidate for posting topics meant to grab the attention of twenty- and thirty-somethings.

Jeddite on January 7, 2014 at 10:23 AM

I bet the Maytag repair man is his father.

Flange on January 7, 2014 at 10:34 AM

I never would have guessed nonpartisan was Australian.

CurtZHP on January 7, 2014 at 10:09 AM

…he would spell “mate” as “mat”.

KOOLAID2 on January 7, 2014 at 11:59 AM

Oh, come on.

Like you guys never tried this very same stunt in college. You were just too drunk to remember it.

JimLennon on January 7, 2014 at 12:09 PM

I bet the Maytag repair man is his father.

Flange on January 7, 2014 at 10:34 AM

Yesteryear.

In this day and age, his father would be the #hashtag repair man.

Shy Guy on January 7, 2014 at 12:13 PM

I never would have guessed nonpartisan lubefreeordie was Australian.

CurtZHP on January 7, 2014 at 10:09 AM

FIFY

Shy Guy on January 7, 2014 at 12:14 PM

FIFY

Shy Guy on January 7, 2014 at 12:14 PM

Nicely played sir. +1000 and you warp to the next level.

Difficultas_Est_Imperium on January 7, 2014 at 3:48 PM

Why didn’t they just perform an abortion?

lilyjac on January 7, 2014 at 4:11 PM

Prank? No. Sounds like some sort of sexual fetish. He really needs to seek psych help before he kills himself.

Blake on January 7, 2014 at 9:34 PM

Libfree?

Jackalope on January 7, 2014 at 10:19 PM

So is Hot Air going to hire him?

Bubba Redneck on January 8, 2014 at 12:14 AM

That must be one glossy Aussie. (rimshot)

I hope they used obstetric forceps! I’d have told him he had to complete a La Maze course before they’d get him out.

flataffect on January 8, 2014 at 12:29 AM

Sounds like a “born again” Democrat. Get that man a Green Card.

SpiderMike on January 8, 2014 at 10:12 AM

I want to give credit to Hot Air for having some of the most funny and clever headlines.

Norbitz on January 8, 2014 at 11:05 AM